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Helloo... I'm feeling actually pretty irritated now. One word - parents. Alright, i don't want to talk about it cause i'm not an unfillial bastard who likes to publish my own home affairs to the whole world. Let's just say parents are always parents.Tuesday, August 28, 2007 Well, if not for them, today would be PERFECT!!! Ha.. There's no such thing as a perfect day but i'm a very easily contented guy that being happy is truly good enough to be perfect. Well, last friday there was an external outing for my headquarters at the HSBC Tree-Top Walk (at MacRitchie). It's not my first time there - i've been there before with AJ's Project Eureka (Science Club / Mugger Club / Nerd Club - well, no surprise right? haha) members - and from that previous experience, it was actually fun. Not because of the walk, but because of the fun we had talking to each other. However, with that said, my second time's not a charm as one would expected. I didn't get to really chat with anyone since the only people i walked with was my superiors which i didn't dare to talk a lot with. ha. And i was drenched at the end of it. This was because as organisers, we had to walk behind everyone else. But there were some irritating people, too engrossed in taking good photographs with their professional cameras, forgot about looking at the weather and decided to take their time. In the end, it rained when we were halfway on the trail. Well, at least those people got drenched as well haha. Thing is, my superior told me to write a short write-up on the external event. I did so and it was mailed to all in my headquarters today. The idea of people reading what I sent is totally cool don't you think? Well, i thought that was the end of story. But i thought wrong. After i sent the email, i actually received a call from a female officer (i think so) who praised (!!!) me for my good writing! I was totally flabbergasted that i didn't know what to say! As usual, i made a fool of myself (that's what i think...haha). After that very nice sweet call (as well as a nice mail from another officer), i received funny mails from my colleagues from other branches which totally made me wanna laugh out loud - too bad i couldn't as all my superiors in office le... Then, even better, before i left for work, the BIGGEST BOSS in my camp emailed me to praise me on the good effort! Wah... i was darn happy!!! Basically, i was happy because these people were really nice to me!!! After all, i was merely doing my job to write an article and it was their job to read emails (well, maybe not their job even). But the fact that they had the thought to email and even call me to praise me is so super nice of them!!! And... the big boss said it will be published! SO COOL!!! OMG... Now i believe that really nice people still exist in this world. Truth be told, i didn't exactly write it entirely myself. It was 50% copy and paste from admin instructions my other superiors drafted and 50% my own GOOD EDITING SKILLS. Well, i know i cannot totally claim credit for writing it but at least i know i did a good ( VERY GOOD INDEED) job at editing. I had to add in my own feelings and match the write-up to the right pictures so it's VVVV difficult ok... haha. (you must be thinking - yeah right). It's like the best thing that has happened so far since i'm here. Well, i'm really glad now. My self-doubts have reduced and i'm actually having fun working.. So thanks to all my cranky friends and all the nice bosses in my new camp! Yipee!!! P.S: Show you the published newsletter if i can. Still have to see whether it really will be published. ha... But no matter what, i'm totally satisfied already. Jloe || 9:59 PM || 0 comments
Hello, back here again...Sunday, August 26, 2007 Oh, today's not a boring day! Well, today i had to wake up super early at 545 because i have to help out in the cheerleading of my headquarters for the ARMY HALF MARATHON. Show my presence in another words haha. I know for many of my friends 545am is not exactly EARLY since if you're in training, you are usually having your breakfast at that time already. ha. Well, too bad i guess. Ha. Okay, i really should stop here cause i don't want to sound as though i'm some big time slacker. Hehe. Truth is, i didn't do any cheerleading when i was there. Or maybe a little, when the BIG BOSS came and suddenly everyone was clapping and cheering. Totally fake but interesting to know how superficial/lame people can get. (and yes i was one of them haha). The whole time i was there, around 4 hours, i was at the ending point looking out for runners from our headquarters. It's actually kinda interesting to stand there. I just reached the ending point with my friend Max and within a few minutes, one runner who just finished his race collapsed onto the floor directly infront of me! Wow, that certainly raised my eyebrows la. Ha. But i just heard from my father's worker that there's a runner who died after the marathon. I'm really keeping my fingers crossed on that - i certainly don't want to live to tell people that one person died infront of me. Next thing i know they'll be standing ten miles away from me. haha. But i guessed i've always been kind of a jinx. The houses that i were in when i was in secondary school and junior college were both super lousy. No one hardly cheers for our own runners. In fact, most of them are just wandering in other houses, wearing other houses' shirts. And therefore, the houses i were in were always the worst or second last. ha. Well, back to the marathon. For a moment when i was watching the runners cross the finishing line, i felt their sense of pride. Hey, it's 21 km. Not 21 m for goodness sake. I don't think i can ever run 21 km and live to tell the tale. Max and i were saying how embarrassed we feel because we even saw some small boys/old ladies/old ah peks and even a baby cross the finish line (ok, the father carried the baby on this shoulder only at the last 50 m haha)and we were just standing there for a few hours and we are complaining leg pain. haha. Weak. But after a few minutes later, we realised we don't need to feel ashamed of ourselves for not participating in the run. Instead, we didn't understand why those runner want to volunteer to subject themselves to torture. It's like you sign up for a gruelling four hour torture session and the prize you get? Death, sever pain, and a few minutes of ecstasy. That's all. haha. Don't get me wrong here - i would love to be able to run 21 km if i can but i can't. What i mean is you run 21 km when you really can. Not like when you're some normal guy who thinks he's sporty just because he plays soccer once in a while and looks in shape. Ha... Ok i'm seriously not making sense. In the end, our headquarters actually did win something - third prize for some category (didn't catch, busy cheering because big boss was there). After that, Max, Marcus, Ronald and i went to have early lunch at Suntec. At first all of us wanted to change out of our singlet-shorts attire because 1)no figure, 2)too cooling already and 3)the shorts were making us look too gay but then Marcus didn't bring along anything to change, we decided not to for the time when he was around. Or else it would look damn weird. Anyway, city hall was full of people i that similar attire - a lot of people went to run/cheer i guess. After lunch, Marcus left and we changed to civilian attire. Max looked like big "small boy" with his lao ah pek shirt and khaki shorts - let's not forget the very lao pok pok bag. haha. No offence. haha. Ronald changed his shirt but not the gay shorts, which made him feel totally uncomfortable. I changed into my khaki shorts and shirt, and looked perefectly normal haha. Well, "decently inconspicuous" is my kind of style haha. We walked around suntec for 2 hours plus doing stupid things haha. We first went to Carrefour because Ronald wants to buy some shorts to change out of but didn't choose anything in the end. All the pants there looked too old-school. Unless you were living in the country and singing Kenny Chesney kinda song, those pants should be banned seriously. Oh, i realised Ronald wad equally noob as me at style and buying stuff. haha. He didn't know that your neck was the same as the pants' waist and that the distance from our wrist to the elbow is our foot size. Socially retarded we all are. haha. That reminded me of the first episode of Grey's Anatomy (3rd season! It's back!) i watched just this week. The fat doctor girlfriend of George, Callie, said that so many years of school have made them totally socially inept - why? she's making breakfast for a guy who didn't even say he loved her. Six years of primary school, four years of secondary school and 2 gruelling years of jc has certainly done the same to us. haha. Ronald ended up buying a pair of flip flops which, after trying on, was a tad too small. Ha... He bought another pair later at newurbanmale but that ended up being a tad too big. Ha... noob. No offence again. ha. Like Max and i say, Sandals still rule. Slippers are noisy (with the tat-tat-tat sound when you walk) and you always feel like you need to drag it. And slippers can totally slip through your feet - a case of the slipper walking faster than you. haha. Oh, and when we were walking around, we saw a booth giving away free candy floss! The flossy flossy! (sorry, very random i know but i love Fergie in "Glamorous") Unashamed by our age, the three of us each queued for the candy floss and ate it as we walked around. Three grown men eating cotton candy. Not exactly a nice scene but certainly memorable ha. At one point, Max put all the floss in his mouth and feel it melt. He opened his mouth to show us the blue goo-ey stuff and asked us what it looked like. And guess what i said?! Guess Guess! CUM! yucks!!! I know i'm totally sick but that's how i am when i'm crazy. We also went to play DAYTONA at the arcade there. We were all noobs lor. Ha... i was last for the beginner's round but second in the advanced race. BUT we also didn't manage to complete the advanced courses because we all too slow le... haha. Rusty la.. haha Well, it was just a simple day walking around, simple chatting and totally crappy. But a pleasant day indeed. Oh, this is so coincidental. I'm listening to british soul singer Gabrielle's song, Don't Need The Sun To Shine (To Make Me Smile) and there's this line which is the perfect way to end this entry. Here's it: "Don't need to hitch a ride, When I could run a million miles. Yes I would, just to see you smile" You have a pleasant day ahead :) Jloe || 10:14 PM || 0 comments
Seeing so many of my friends really grow up and mature into mostly good-looking individuals, i can't help but think that my maturity process is actually pretty slow - other than in my intellectual department (ever-storing sarcasm and what not) and of course that department (haha... let's not go there).Monday, August 20, 2007 Well, i guess it's a matter of priority. Studies i mean. I took my studies very seriously for the last 6 years (secondary and junior college) that i was practically my whole life. Now, when i look back, it seems that the proudest achievement i have is my so-called "good" results that many people also happen to share. And that's not a bad thing per se, just that i don't want the only thing that people associate me with is my results and how hard i study. I don't want to use the word "regret" here because i don't. It's the way i've lived so far that's made me the person i am today. Maybe i just think there's a better way i could've done it. I guess i sacrificed many potentially good friendships and possibly good memories all in the name of results. Results, results, results. The paperchase age we are today has definitely made me obsessed with trying to do my best in my results. Not a bad thing i must say again but the way i went about doing it was probably too extreme. I can study and study and study and still, study. Going out? Maybe not... i wanna study. Do this? Nah... got to study. I think this concept was so deeply driven into me that even people around me felt the mugger vibe i was in. I'm not shy to admit i actually don't have a lot of friends, of course let's not say good friends also since good friends are RARE (although if you carefully think, if i have less friends, the possibility of finding true friends are higher! hmmm...... ). Personally, i don't think many people want to "go out" with me because even i find myself a boring person. I said to my godsis before that i'm very glad whenever she calls me out cause otherwise i would just be locked up in my room doing boring stuff to make myself even more boring. And because of this lack of opportunity to "go out", i guess that's why the maturity process is slower. It's pretty evident. Like i mentioned on my "Crappy Pom Pi Pi" entry, my style sense has been pretty much the same all these years. I don't buy a lot of clothes and i don't groom myself at all... That's why i don't get the effeminate thing attached to me sometimes. Looks are the least of my concerns. I think there are more important issues to pay attention to then your looks. Ain't we taught to NOT JUDGE PEOPLE BY THEIR LOOKS from young as well? Well, at least that's what i try to do. However, the superficial world today very much does that all the time. How do you know if a person is fun to be with? His/her cool looks/style definitely. Too bad i'm not too into having alot of fun. Life's good enough when i have no problems. So basically, my idea of "don't judge people by looks" concept don't really work. AND I STILL DON'T CARE actually. Now i just tell myself i'm not selling myself anyway, i don't get friends based on my looks. I guess if you're a "true friend", you're see through it all. Also, i know can't be drop-dead handsome as well. So why should i try so hard then. Just look decent, clean and civilized and i'm satisfied. Period. Ok, now that we're on the route of my own self-discovery,, why not delve deeper and let you and myself know more about myself. Ok, these are a few things you should know about me - other than i'm boring, easily paranoid and self-deprecating. 1) I DON"T COMB OR STYLE MY HAIR. Keeping up with the "i don't really care about how i look" attitude, this one's another addition. I hate to comb. like seriously. I know nothing about styling my own hair and using hair gel cause seriously i've never used them before. The idea of of putting disgusting looking (let's not forget the feeling as well) gelatinous stuff on my hair and (gasp!) spreading it out doesn't put me in a exactly good mood to feel good actually. But i do admit to using hair sprays but that's like once a year? For my school proms. And i don't even spray much - not like i have a single idea of hairstyle in mind to shape my hair into. 2) I DON"T LIKE TO BRUSH TEETH. Pardon me if i have bad breath. But don't worry, my maid is paid to remind me everyday to brush my teeth before i eat. I think i'm also thinking enough to know how unhygienic it is to not brush my own teeth before eating. I don't like the after-brush mint feeling in my mouth and the feeling of a toothbrush in my mouth makes me want to choke everytime. So i really don't like brushing teeth but i still do it anything. 3) I DON"T SAY VULGARITIES. AT ALL. "Say no evil, hear no evil and see no evil". This saying i live by obediently even since my brain could evaluate right and wrong. I don't say the F word (well, i said it unknowingly once while singing Ashanti's song which i slapped myself 100 times after that to redeem the wrong i did) as well as the other vulgar Hokkien words (*embarrassed* said it once also, but only because i was QUOTING my friends to discourage them from saying it, yes i did slap myself again). I think vulgarities are totally rude and pointless and only serve to make things worse. Besides, vulagrities are a form of aggression and i'm anti-aggression. Well, opposites DON"T attract. Trust me. 4) I HATE INSECTS. I can only stand the tiny ants cause maybe they're so small i can't see how creepy they look, and besides, they''re so small and easy to squeeze (ha...). Very unfortunately, i fall prey, like most girls, to the common fears of cockroaches, big lizards, spiders and almost every other creepy flying insect. Well, every one has their own fears and mine's insect. If that's a very undesirable point when looking for a boyfriend, then so be it. I rather remain single (well, maybe i can overcome my fear as an alternative ha - don't need so extreme). INSECTS are not called creepy for no apparent reason. 5)I LOVE BEING SARCASTIC. C'mon. Sarcasm is funny wit, hurtful nevertheless. But it's still funny! Besides, there must be a reason why people could think of such a sarcastic comment - it must be true somehow someway. People always say i'm effeminate and say i'm a girl whatever shit and then say "JUST JOKING!". TOTAL CRAP. So hypocritical. But fact is, i do know i'm effeminate (so it's truth in a way). SO WAD? I face it like it is - accept it and be immune to such idiotic comments. Well, not totally immune - it still hurts whenever people say it, especially people you thought you liked say that. So what? Get angry? No... just ignore lor. AND TAKE REVENGE USING SARCASM! It's a form of self-defence and attack. Plus, i totally love to bitch. But don't take me too seriously. 6)I ACTUALLY DON'T LIKE STUDYING OR READING. I study because i have to if not i probably won't be able to eat, sleep and live comfortably. So it's studying for the sake of studying. Plus studying gives me the security i need to feel that i know my stuff - if not panic attacks will come ever so often. Reading is also no-no. I read very slowly and i get distracted very easily - i just want to get to the climax of the story straight away. haha. Truth is i'm actually a very lazy person - but in a different sense. I prefer to do things fast so that i have more time to laze while most lazybums like to take their time to do stuff.But reading seems like such a cultured thing to do! Oprah absolutely loves it. So i should too haha. Well, i can only try. That's why i hope to read 10 books each year. My progress this year? Hmm... half a book. hehe 7)I DO TALK TO MYSELF. According to research, talking to yourself is a form of rehearsal for your response to other people's reaction whatever. With that said, please don't think i'm a psycho nutcase. Well, i guess talking to myself is a way i learn more about myself and certainly an avenue for voicing out my own suppressed thoughts.So it's perfectly healthy. 8)I DON"T LIKE SPORTS. Anti-aggression remember? So, violent sports are out. Anyway, other than golf,swimming, badminton and maybe tennis, i classify all sports as violent. It's just weird to play sports - it's like you're deliberately trying to make yourself tired. But i take to the idea of exercise slightly better. (exercise not equals sports ok...) At least i won't look so unhealthy and who knows one day i may have to chase a pickpocket? 9)I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY PLAYSTATION AND I SELDOM PLAY GAMES. I have a playstation in my living room for years and i've seriously never played it once. Because i don't like to play games and i don;t know how to operate playstation. Games to me are like a waste of time. Music is at the very least meaningful. PLUS i can totally do something else while listening to music. Games are so for children. At least to me. DOTA, COUNTERSTRIKE, WARCRAFT? Huh? POKEMON? I know i know!!! (i'm that outdated) 10) I'M QUITE CONSERVATIVE. Please don't talk about sex-related issues with me. Something as intimate as sex (i know nowadays to many it's not) shouldn't be dicussed openly. Also, i'm not totally open to the idea of clubbing. And i'm not super daring/spontaneous. Well, guess i'm not what i seem to be. Ha... Well, i must prepare myself now since i'm gonna be less desirable/likeable from now on. But... i still believe there are good people out there with good sense of judgement to see through my dirty little secrets (hmm not exactly now). hehe. Jloe || 6:46 PM || 1 comments
Well, after one week by myself in the office, i guess i'm pretty much used to the things i have to do. I'm coping much better and getting along with the people at my new branch better as well. That's a huge relief. But i guess it's my self-deprecating nature to keep a few doubts within myself - i can't be totally comfortable with being comfortable, it worrys me ha.Sunday, August 19, 2007 Hmm... After many weeks of negligence and very possibly laziness, my room has degraded into a big piece of mess and a total eyesore. This happens like almost every other time! I pack my room to be tip-top tidy and after maybe two months, it returns back to big time mess! Like the sine curve kinda thing:  Well anyway, it was so messy that i couldn't find the things i want to find and do the things i wanna do (who has the mood when you're feeling like a mess and in actual mess). So i decided to pack up once again and you can see for yourself my hardwork (only for two hours hehe...) Oh, just to let you know, i FINALLY could transfer pictures into my com! Well, now i finally have possessions of my own photos - at least i know i have some photo memories.  ---------->   ---------->  most proud of this ;) oh... notice the three mandy cds on the bottom row! so cool right? haha. too bad missing one cd.  ---------->  Ta-Dah! Yups... not bad right? haha. Well, hope you guys like the idea of my actually putting more photos up. I don't want to make te blog so wordy always - kinda bores me out even. Alright, now that i'm at the trough of the sine-inspired messiness curve, i shall try my best to maintain it there. Oh my, i'm so tired now. Ok i'm signing off! Enjoy your day! Jloe || 12:54 AM || 0 comments
Pardon me for coming up with such a crappy title for today's a crappy day.Tuesday, August 14, 2007 Yesterday night after watching crappy "Honor and Passion", i decided to try to transfer the pictures in my crappy family digital camera into my crappy laptop. Well, i did so because 1) i've never done it before , 2) i finally decided to put some pictures of my own into my blog - to cut the monotony of it all (if there was any, which i believe not and if u tell me got monotony i'm gonna kill you) and 3) i'm beginning to feel that i have very few pictures of my own - camera-shy la hehe... So i tried to install the software and plug my camera in and nothing happened. NOTHING. At least nothing of what i wanted to see happened. The software was installed but my crappy laptop just didn't seem to read the camera as like a "hard disk/ usb"-kinda thing. Anyway, i don't know if what i'm doing /thinking is right or not. haha. Oh my... I'm SUCH a computer nutcase. And i'm totally going NUTS trying to figure this thing out!!! Why didn't i learn to use the computer seriously when i was younger? Oh how i hate myself. You know what? I can't even type fast/accurately enough - i only use two fingers to type. Reason? You're gonna laugh at me for this. I pon-ed (well, this is surprising to me even haha... mugger boy PON?!) touch-typing class in primary school because there's always this indian boy sitting behind me watching me type like a fool and SNIGGERS at me. Argh... Well, anyway, i tried and tried and tried til midnight and i still couldn't get it! Since my eight hours of sleep is of absolute importance, i decided to give up and possibly try today. Maybe that can stop me from throwing my crappy laptop and crappy camera out the window. haha. The thing is, i locked my room's door when i slept (for dunno what reason - feeling too crappy to think) and my mother couldn't wake me up in the morning early enough. I ended up waking up at 652 am when i had to leave home at 7am. Although my parents are fetching me still, i HATE the feeling of rushing to bathe. A bath should be slow, warm and relaxing, especially in the morning. (i know "dirty" people like Belinda don't bath in the morning but for me it's a MUST. I like, no... lurve, to feel CLEAN at the start of a brand new day.) So, i was totally in SIAN mode in the morning already. Unfortunately, it carried forward to the whole of my work day... For your information, after a slacky week at the registry being the mail-boy, i'm now attached to another office since they're short of manpower there. Being there for only the SECOND day, how much can i know exactly. How do i know what place to put what, who to send email to, who knows this project and what not... TO make things clear, almost all the officers at my branch office are nice, polite people (i think i was rather unknowingly rude though) and i've nothing against them. Well, there was this small teeny weeny incident when one of the officers asked me which printer to select on the computer to print his stuff. According to my mentor, it was "the one with a lot of numbers and the longest name one". So i told the officer the exact same thing - without missing out any word. He was like "HUH?". So i when i went there, " the one with a lot of numbers and the longest name one" wasn't there!!! I was totally puzzled then - that's why i hate change - cannot handle the panic attacks that come with it lor... He told me to check the printer for its code and i did as told BUT there was nothing on the printer that CLEARLY indicated its name on the computer. So i said i don't know and he was pretty pissed, giving me a deep breath of unsatisfaction. Well, after a few clicks here and there, he managed to figure it out and me being totally embarrassed of my own stupidity and uselessness, just walked away heavy-hearted. The thing is there's no one for me to consult even on such a simple matter. My mentor is not around most of the time so i'm just left to die on my own. I don't blame him for not being around because he's served his time in NS and is going to ORDed soon ( i would do that too if it was me). Besides, he was clocking enough distance to convert his military license into a civilian license - so i can't possibly blame him for technically WORKING (although for his own purpose). So i guess i can only blame myself for being a retarded dimwit, lost and probably not found that moment of time. It's such a helpless feeling. Being a some-sort perfectionist (in work and studies), i want to make myself feel and let people know that i am capable of handling work, tough work. Yet, i don't feel like i have enough help with me - i mean how to fly when i don't even know how to use my wings properly (i know small birdies also dunno and can still fly after a few tries BUT you know what i mean la...) But then again, i don't want to keep relying on my mentor since i want to be independent and i don't want to really die when he leaves. Argh... sorry i know i'm talking in circles that don't seem to make sense. Well, i certainly hope it's just my paranoid mind working its evil "think-too-much" magic on me. Alright, writing all this certainly help to calm me down. I guess i can go back to work tomorrow with a less heavy heart. Unfortunately, the doubts still persist and will continue to until i find myself being able to do something of significance well on my own. Ok... me signing off me today. Don't be so dumb tomorrow!!! P.S: Thanks to Yeo and Neo for consoling me. I know it didn't help much but at least you guys tried. So thanks no matter what. Jloe || 7:35 PM || 0 comments
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