Thursday, January 31, 2008
 Spice Girls
Albums: 4 – Spice (1996), Spiceworld (1997), Forever (2000), Greatest Hits (2007)
10 Songs I Like:
1) Holler***
2) Wannabe***
3) 2 Become 1***
4) Let Love Lead The Way
5) Who Do You Think You Are
6) Goodbye
7) Spice Up Your Life***
8) Stop
9) Too Much
10) Move Over (Generation Next)
There's no denying Spice Girls were a huge part of my growing up and if I dare say, still a big part of my life now. The “Wannabe” days coincided with my primary school days, when I was very young and very much innocent. Having fun and enjoying my time with friends (just like the song) is so easy and yet so hard to achieve these days. The “Holler” days without Geri/Ginger Spice happened during my secondary school days. Just like the departure of Geri, my days were a far cry from the simpler and better time I had in primary school – socialisation and studies, too much and too hard to handle. This is the reason why the Spice Girls are still very much celebrated even though their singing/songs, as critics say (and I don't agree), are bad. Their songs are able to help just relate to the memories we forged eons ago. Some are also fun and catchy – great for a silly time with friends. This definitive girl group certainly paved the way for other girl groups such as All Saints, Girls Aloud, and Sugababes and therefore very rightfully deserves a spot on my Favourite Artistes Hall of Fame.
You know, I have and will always be a Spice fan forever.
Advertising Space
Hitherto, no significant happenings and "big" thoughts so NOTHING to blog about. In the meantime, shall fill you in with the blanks last week.
As mentioned earlier in "The Road To Mandalay", I reconnected with my secondary school days and went for a Neoprint session with Yang Sis when we met last week for her birthday gathering. The photos turned out pretty interesting! Both of us were just admiring the photos on our way home that night. haha... Well, let's analyse the photos to see how "interesting" they are
One: Starting with the most normal photo, Yang Sis looks like a Kawaii good girl (complete with the japanese fan isn't it!!!)while i look like a well, teenager? haha. I still am, at least until june. Love the kick. Fortunately i wore my nicer pair of shoes that day.
Two: I look so stupid! I really don't like the snubbish expression on my face but it kinda fits into the "love-hate" flirty SCENARIO we were trying to act out haha... Quite a reversal of roles considering girls usually act out the snubbish part to the love-blind guy in pursuit for her affections. Yang Sis cute pose breaks the otherwise very cheesy picture.
Three: OMG!!! I look super disgusting! Reminds me of some ugly witch hahaha (Stardust/Nanny Mcphee perhaps?). While i attempt to take out food stuck on my teeth, Yang Sis does the UNGLAM of UNGLAMs!!! Digging your nose should be strictly private! A Very DARING photo on both our part since we both are simple and undaring. haha! Kudos to a nice UGLY photo!
Four: My favourite from the four prints is definitely this! My new FACEBOOK display pic! haha... According to Yang Sis, she prefers to take the backseat and play supporting roles that steal the show! Don't you find her "tired" expression very candid? Nevermind, I still love my hair in this pic haha...
JLOE Favourite Artiste – Mandy Moore
 Mandy Moore
Albums: 5 - So Real (1999), I Wanna Be With You (2000), Mandy Moore (2001), Coverage (2003), Wild Hope (2007) Top Ten Songs I Love:
1) Cry*** 2) I Wanna Be With You
3) Crush*** 4) Someday We'll Know***
5) Have A Little Faith In Me 6) Candy
7) Walk Me Home 8) It's Gonna Be Love
9) Nothing That You Are 10) Only Hope
*** - VVV Nice
Couldn't you tell I'm going to make her the FIRST Favourite Artiste?! Evil Laughs*
Without question, there's only one place my ultimate “crush” can take and that's the FIRST place (no rank order though). Her “I Wanna Be With You” album was the first CD I ever bought and she has indeed charmed me with her singing, personality and even acting since then. Beautiful as she is, she has a soothy voice to show off too!
It's unfair to call me biased since I listen to all kinds of music and so many different artistes and yet I still find Mandy's songs nice. Want sappy (in a good way) love songs? She's definitely the one to turn to. Of late, my Mandy has turned into singer-songwriter, adding on to the numerous talents she possesses. Although not many people supports her kind of folk-pop music now, at least I can say i'm one ardent fan that still appreciates her good quality music.
She's the Best and she's the first FAVOURITE ARTISTE. She's Mandy Moore.
JLOE Favourite Artistes Hall Of Fame - Introduction
The JLOE Favourite Artistes Hall of Fame is my way of honoring musicians around the world who have touched my life through their songs and lyrics. Music is undoubtedly my way of life and it is only through this tiny way can I give recognition to my favourite artists when credit is due.
It's not easy to qualify as one of my Favourite Artiste. As a rule of thumb, they should achieve the three following criterias:
1) Released at least 3 full albums
2) Have at least 10 songs which I like
3) Have at least one song in my Top 100 All Time Favourite Songs List
It is important to know that some artistes that do not measure up to the above mentioned criteria might still stand a chance to be considered to be a Favourite Artiste of mine. Reason being, there are many good singers out there and not all good singers have the luck to last that long. Case of quality over quantity.
With that said, let the honor list roll on!
The Road To Mandalay
Before i start today's entry proper, wishes to Yang Sis!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!! WISHING YOU ALL THE BEST!
(P.S: Don't forget mine! hahah)
_____________________________________________________________
As an informal "celebration" (no cakes, hugs and certainly no parties), we met up for a simple dinner and walk along orchard road. As usual, i gave her the choice of choosing her own presents since i have no idea what to buy and i think giving her what she really wants is better. I bought her the music scores/practices she needed to improve her piano grades. I still feel that's quite a pathetic gift though. Shall treat her to something when i see her again.
To satisfy our cam-whore desires, we also went to take neo-prints! But for the moment i don't have the scanned pictures, so hopefully by next week i can put them up. We look so comical in them!
Besides meeting up with Yang Sis and Kenny G, this week has been thoroughly bland for me. I've certainly reached stage four of boredom: stoned and speechless.
The various stages are as follows:
1: in denial - occupying yourself with work and studies
2: lost and disoriented - when work/studies are both absent, you find you have nothing else going on in your life
3: the lonely moment - admitting you're a bored and boring lonely person
4: stoned and speechless - resigned to fate
5: depression - prolonged emptiness makes you a sad sad sad person.
Just last week i was at stage 3. I had so much to blog about but this week, reality sunk in deep and yups, i have no comments anymore. But don't worry, I doubt i'll ever go to stage 5. Being depressed constantly is so... erm nauseating.
Things i can look forward to in the coming week(s):
1: Watching 27 Dresses and Atonement
Being the classic Rom-Com fan, how can i miss out on these two romance flicks?
2: Waiting for Volunteer group to contact me
As Britney says, i NEED to "DO SOMETHIN'".
3: Watching "Winter Sonata"
After the severely depressive "Autumn in my Heart", i'm hoping to watch this drama that (i heard) has a happy ending.
4: Office Branch Outing
Please don't talk about work. Please................................ Then it'll be fine.
5: Unit's Bowling Outing
Anything is better than working. Period. 6: China Trip
Shopping for new clothes! Travelling! Cam-whoring! Snow!
5: Hopefully meeting up with friends SOON
a) Ah Meng/Jeremy
b) Princess-C/Lumpy
c) Kenny G/Gracie/Fengie and maybe
d) Shihern and etc (???)
Positively Somewhere
Saturday, I went NTU with Kenny G/friends to kill my morning before going for an induction programme with a volunteer organisation. Keeping my mouth closed since nothing is confirmed at this stage.
Today, I met up with my aunt and her primary four son, Dutty (not the real name) for dinner with my parents. My parents actually misled me to believe the whole family, that is my other three brothers included, is going for the dinner. But like always, I end up to be the only one going. Argh
Anyway, it still turn out to be a very pleasant gathering since I got to see the two of them after one year. Dutty has become quite the plump one, with signs of a tummy showing. His arm is actually more meaty than mine! OMG.
My aunt was quite pleasantly funny during dinner. She was staring at me for quite a few times, apparently admiring my “good” looks. She said I had a very nice nose (whew... guess I don't need a nose job) and great facial features. Most importantly, she said I'm going MORE HANDSOME by the years. Haha... Since my family going overseas this Chinese New Year, I guess I won't be complaining with the extra good publicity I usually don't get.
As i've just mentioned, I”M FINALLY LEAVING SINGAPORE! For a holiday I mean. After repeated trips to Malaysia and only Malaysia, I can really go abroad for once! In case you're wondering, i'm going to the land of CHEENAMAN! *shutter* haha
So many things I wanna buy over there since things are cheaper in Cheena-Man Country.
1. Chic Shorts
2. Going out Sling Bag
3. More shirts/T-shirts
4. Going out Shoes
5. CDs
Hope I can find all of them there. *Finger-crossed*
Coming back to the gathering with my aunt. After the dinner, my father suggested we go Chinatown. Dutty was actually supposed to go home to study but he complained that he hasn't gone out for a long time. Knowing my father spoils him, he got his way when my parents put up a case to my aunt to allow him to go. He's so frank it's cute haha.
In addition, after not cam-whoring for three weeks, i'm so glad to find another cam-whore in my young cousin! Haha. We cam-whored in the car, at dinner and along Chinatown! When I see him pose for pictures, I feel old right away. He shows the peace sign with both his hands close tot he face, looking super lame but CUTE! Haha. Makes me feel how sacred childhood is.
(Too bad I don't have access to the pictures since it's his camera if not i'll post them right away.)
According to my parents/aunt, he's quite lonely (suppose he doesn't show it) since he's the only son and his family has erm-hem, issues. I shall be a very nice KOR KOR and remember to give him a message every week. Should be VERY COOL to have a cousin as a friend when i'm older haha...
Well, this week of reunions (three!) has been really sweet for me. I'm very glad that things have slightly turn out for the better now. Gives me hope for the next week at least.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
I'm feeling much much better today!
My beloved laptop is finally back and working. All thanks to my brother for having an IT-savvy friend who helped to fix my laptop for FREE. Better talk more to my brother to repay him for his kind deed haha... Well, this means the music guru is BACK TO BUSINESS! Lately i've been listening to the same songs over and over again on my ipod – most notably Taylor Swift's Teardrops on My Guitar (loving it!).
Although some friendship did work not out the way I had expected (even as I felt i've done my part), i'm happy to say i'm more positive about my friendship with current close friends and good friends in the past.
Wednesday night was a pleasant surprise. Kel C invited Kenny G, me and her friend, very nicely named Mandy to her house for dinner. First surprise, she cooked for us! Thanks so much Kelly! Found out that she took so much effort to prepare the meal which is very sweet and heartwarming. Secondly, the food was GOOD. Only learning about the word “al fredo” that day's afternoon from my camp mates, I was quite glad to be able to get a taste of it that very night. Kel C's bacon al fredo was delicious! I gorged down too much at the beginning (a case of too fast too furious) if not I believe I can stomach a lot more than I did. Haha.
After a nice chat around the dining table while eating, we proceeded to the living room to continue our talk while the girls feast their eyes on the “hunks” of the special NOND episode. But we left kinda abruptly after the the result was revealed. Haha
Anyway, third surprise, I only found out that Kel C's friend, a very good conversation starter, is called Mandy just before she left. Kenny G and I were talking casually to her, both of just not knowing her too well since she's a friend's friend, and before she stepped off the bus she told Kenny G to add her on Facebook. She told just to search for her by typing “Mandy Teo”. I was pleasantly surprised! Haha... What a way to end the night I thought. Haha.
And today!
It was godsend when I happened to meet Lumpy (sharks! I'm really giving all my friends weird stupid names on my blog) at AMK Hub as I was on the way to join Yang Sis for a movie. We had a casual talk and fortunately she proposed the idea of meeting up with Princess-C for dinner.
Well, we met up today at city hall and proceeded to Suntec's Pizza Hut for our dinner. We chatted randomly about idol dramas, university stuff (haiz....), friends and their partners. After dinner, we walked round and round and round Suntec and Raffles city before settling down at Starbucks for a drink and of course, more talk.
I've not had such great chat with friends for so long, especially with these two gals. Remembering the last time we met up was like way back in early 2007 when I was engrossed in my studies and the most recent time in which we saw each other was during the release of A level results. I'm pretty amazed that we can still chat so well together (we quickly left at 12mn to catch last train la!) considering we haven't (at least I didn't) kept in touch for so long. This just goes to show that time is not a factor if the connection between friends is strong. We also unanimously agreed to meet up more often this year – for KBOX (Feb), pub (Mar) and Macdonald's ??? (April) haha... Whatever it is, i'm really glad too see these “old” friends once again.
Until now, i've always had bad impressions of reunions. But right now, I appreciate the meaning behind it.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Guess i'll blog before i go to sleep tonight. Since i've been actively blogging for the past few days, why not i just turn this into a diary? haha. This just goes to show how pathetic my life is - i can even blog even when nothing exciting goes on in my life.
This sorta reminds me of my BMT days when i felt super duper lonely and yet i blogged the most. Sigh... it seems like everything in my life goes in a vicious circle - making me hopeful (up the curve), before being disappointed (descending already) and then depressed and disheartened. I don't even get it why i don't try to make myself happier like what i used to do - maybe i'm too tired to always give myself misleading hopes.
Well, i'm certainly not depressed. I figure this is some sort of a holiday season withdrawal symptom which unfortunately, only bland, boring and (recently admitted) lonely people like me are prone to suffer from. But i notice my writing seems to be improving and i'm not even trying hard to make myself sound interesting (well, time will reveal i'm a boring and soon-to-be-old hag).
Or maybe it's me suffering from lack-of-laptop withdrawal symptom! Ah... My laptop has officially crashed and i'm nowhere near distraught at the thought my thousand over songs which i'll gathered over the past few years might very well disappear into thin air. Maybe i'm suppressing that utter shock.
To make matters worse, i feel less motivated at work. It's reached the state i totally don't feel like staying in office or less evidently, hanging with my branchmates that often (well they're busy anyway). I tell myself it's good working experience to deal with disgusting bosses and what-shall-not-be-revealed politics just so i can hang on without bursting into tears (very unlikely now i feel i've numbed myself) or bursting out of frustration (possible, very possible).
But at least i'm clear with some of the stuff that i've been dealing with the past few weeks. So what if people don't like me? I can't get everyone to like me. So the only thing is to be happy with the way i am and really shut my ears to all those negative comments/opinions/stares inflicted onto me.
Neither will i discriminate anyone for being who they are because i am in the same shoes. I tell myself to be open-minded and not judge anyone because i don't want to be one of those narrow-minded people who hurt people's feelings. (That is unless they're really mean and time really didn't show the better side of them)
To XXXXXX, it's been long since i've met a good friend so out of the blue. Although we've both acknowledged the fact that we have our differences from the norm, i'm proud that you are the stronger one. Fact is, i'm been so concerned and conscious about what everyone thinks that i've stopped myself from being who i really am. Inevitably, i've lost touched with parts of me that i've forced myself to suppress in order to fit in. But you're different. You still kept every essence of your wackiness and goofy (read: glam and divalicious) antics throughout all these years even as you questioned yourself if that was a good move or not. But you didn't give up those parts of you while i did. So as i find a new me through the current turbulent times, i really hope you find the inner voice in you that validates you being the person you are. It's the person you are that has enabled you to make the good friends you have today. I gave up myself and guess what, i ended up with nothing much. No matter what, i certainly hope the day comes when we can be at total ease with ourselves (as much as others see us with ease). Till then, we'll be the unglam guys, hidden but hopefully treasured in time to come.
To all people out there who feels slightly out of place in this world, hope reading this can give you a sense of hope to give you strength to pull through your troubles. Just as i ardously walk on in my life, i hope the foosteps that i take (no matter how painful they might be) can serve as guides as you move on in your life.
For a better day,
Joel
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Disclaimer: This is not an emo entry since i'm not disheartened. Just hear me whine. ALOT.
I said the word.
I finally said it to myself.
I'm LONELY!!!
It's the day i prayed and hoped and fingercrossed never to happen but as unfortunate as always, the time is finally here. It's almost the worst nightmare for bland people like me. Because admitting the fact that i'm L-O-N-E-L-Y degrades even the remaining faith i have in myself.
I used to be just uninteresting. Now that i've acknowledged that cruel fact, i'm highly possibly related to the word DESPERATE. If you're wondering (and shocked that i openly and very shamelessly declared myself desperate like a love-deprived pervert) i'm not referring to I-NEED-A-PARTNER desperate. More like I-NEED-SOMETHING-TO-DO-AND-OCCUPY-MY-FREAKING-RESTLESS-MIND desperate.
The signs can't be any clearer. Lately, I''ve been blogging too much for my own good. I just spend my time waiting for something to pop up out of the blue to surprise and interest me but the wait has certainly been long and in vain. Nothing ever happens and my bum is sore from all the (empty) anticipation.
To set the record straight, i do have appointments now and then but it's the free time in between that makes my mind go round and round and round. I have nothing, really nothing i want to do. I don't want to read because i end up falling asleep after 20 minutes (and wake up to yet another day) and i can't play games cause i rather feel bored than feel stupid over the fact i suck at them.
Nothing's working out.
Nothing to watch on TV.
Nothing to surf online. Not even Facebook.
Nothing to listen to. (No laptop!!!)
And worse...
Nothing to talk about.
It's another empty day where time passes even as i feel spaced out in my own vacuum of thoughts and emotions, hopeless and clueless as to where my next step should be.
Well, i can only look forward to the planned outings i have this week.
This better not go on!
Touch.Cry.Breathe
Sharing some random thoughts today since lately I’ve pretty random experiences. Or maybe my life is simply just too boring and bland that everything else comes across as random.
I know it's super cliché to put results of some personality test results on your own blog but I assure you I’m putting it up for a reason. Or maybe more than just one.
1) To explain things i can't since I’m literally-disabled with my extremely limited vocabulary bank
I realized that after doing some work with Ton. He sleeps all day and his brain is still able to retain his writing skills. I blog all day and guess what, i write worse than a secondary school kid.
2) To link to other related topics that has been quite heavily discussed lately in my life.
I'm just not that cliché - other than the way I express myself.
Recently, I did this personality assessment that was sent to my email. It’s a psycho-analysis claimed to be from Dr Phil, famous American psychology-centric television personality. The results of my personality test are as follows:
"Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. "
(well, at least that’s how I see myself)
"They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. "
(I don’t think I’m clever – much less talented - at all. In fact, I consider myself in ditzy mode most of the time. Furthermore, I don’t exactly humble myself in front of close friends, although it’s not in me to brag – I only boast about useless stuff like knowing the latest songs)
"Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. "
(Very true)
"Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken."
(Exactly!)
Basically it explains entirely what I feel about myself. Well, at least through this you can understand more about me as I get to know more about myself too.
On a random note, I also realize why I’m generally considered as (hate this word, never comfortable with it but too closely associated to detach myself from it, HAIZ!) effeminate. The quirky-ness I like to exhibit at times (especially in front of closer friends /colleagues) tends to be misconstrued to be queer. I guess there’s a “softer” side to everyone. Unfortunately (or fortunately, you decide), my feminine side is somehow a delicate balance between Tyra’s bitchiness (gossip) and Amanda Bynes’ niceness (the more approachable part of me haha). Anyway, it’s just a thought but it’s kinda true though.
On an even more random note, I did another quiz on Facebook on when I’ll get married. Lately, either with Kenny G or in office, there seemed to be talk about people getting hooked up or hitched. Kenny G and I agree that in about five years time, we’ll surely be receiving wedding invitations. Or in my sorry state of few-friend syndrome, at least know of some friends/acquaintances getting married.
In office, talk about Ms Yv setting Miss Chipmunk up with her good friend has sparked off a frenzy among us nosey NSF boys. Considering her calibre (crazy, not-so-good looking, maybe a bit mental – oh my, that’s pretty bad right?), she should be ecstatic about this opportunity to meet a compatible (we believe) guy. Yet, she makes up excuses and even sorta feels disgusted just by the thought of meeting this new guy for dinner.
My advice: when you’re old(er), you have less choices. So either you don’t complain about being single – grumbling about your lack of companionship (and be super-clingy to whatever friends you have and lament on how you’re NEVER gonna find a partner for yourself) or don’t complain with the choices you are offered (though limited, I believe there’re still decent choices out there?).
I shutter to think how old (and desperate?) I’ll feel if I’m still single by then - which by the looks of it now, seems highly probable. That’s why I think I felt prompted to do the test.
Here it is:
" Based on your score, you will get married 8 Years from Now!
You have worked hard in your academics and are looking for a great job. But, you will soon feel content with yourself and begin the search for that special someone. They will happen upon your when you least expect it. "
Blimey! How did they know I worked hard in my academics??? Haha… But 8 years seems pretty optimistic. Well, having explained myself before (read: why i’m still hopelessly single), I shall re-iterate the fact that I’m adopting a “Que Sera Sera” attitude.
Well, random thoughts today. Hope more of such thoughts will pop up to fill my otherwise mind-numbing life. Sigh………
Saturday, January 12, 2008
After a few days of mulling over my problems, i've decided to finally not dwell on them and yes, move on. I've come to the conclusion that if people don't like the way i am, i can't do anything about that. Instead of taking pity on myself, the better choice would be to ignore those unfair judgments from those people who don't mean a single s*** to me. But one thing's for certain, i'm not going to expect anything from anything anymore. I feel so tired being let down time and time again from my foolish hopes. But at least now i can safely say those yesterday problems are all boxed up and neatly put away.
Fortunately, i went to watch "One Missed Call" with Yang Sis on friday night instead of idling in my room and thinking about the same old problems. Movie is pretty B-grade but alright for a brainless silly scray show to entertain myself in times of erm... emotional instability and forget about my problems momentarily.
Just went for my first KBOX session with Kenny G and his group of friends - namely Cassie, Izwan and Ismail. It was an all English affair at this particular karaoke session considering Ismail and Izwan are malays and Cassie and Kenny G are pretty angmoh-pai. Which is good since i'm an English music fan (duh). As usual, Kenny G provided major laughing material with his goofy antics and weird noises (haha) while Cassie and Izwan showcased thier singing props through the different songs. For me, i was contented enough to be able to go out AND sing songs that i like.
After the kbox session, we went to have dinner at Lucky Plaza. I listened enviously throughout dinner as the Brooksians chattered non-stop about their secondary school days. Sadly (ok shall not dwell on it after writing this entry), in comparison to their school days, my secondary school life was pathetic. I had to face my own insecurities and deal with social/class problems single-handedly. I hardly made any close friends (except Yang Sis and Viola) and certainly isn't in contact with any of my classmates.
But as Kenny G said, it's better to have a bland life than a bad life. After two bad weeks, that really rings through. I'm glad enough to have a few friends than ZERO friends.
It's been hell of a two weeks, a rough start to 2008 but i certainly pray that things will smooth its way out as soon as possible.
Thanks to Yang Sis and Kenneth for accompanying me through this emotional period. As Yang Sis says, having too much time at hand makes one think too much. Right now, the idea of being comfortable with too comfortable makes me feel totally uncomfortable. Shall find something to fill my time... But what shall it be?
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Warning: Highly Emo Entry. This is a note to myself. If you don’t get it, forget about it. Don’t talk to me about it unless I bring it up. R.E.S.P.E.C.T pls.
Truth Hurts.
I realize that no matter how hard I try, my efforts would never seem as “capable”. There are things like recognition that I hardly care for because I feel it’s superficial and insincere to do things for others while harboring selfish thoughts for yourself. But when whatever good you do doesn’t get recognition (but taken as your expected scope of duties) and whatever mistakes you make are remembered. While for the luckier others, they get the preferential treatment (not that I blame them) and their efforts are viewed as a reflection of their “hardworking, capable and efficient” self – in which more credit is given than due. For this, I’m not that bothered with since I know very well that I could never make everyone happy. It also doesn’t matter that much if their errors are associated to be a cause of my undesirable influence. In fact, I’m sincerely glad for my counterparts as long as they are viewed in the good light. It doesn’t matter if my efforts are not appreciated, since as long as theirs are, I share the sense of satisfaction they feel.
I know I’m not the best. I might not even be good. But I’m certainly not one of the rotten apples around. That is because I try my best to do everything well. I apologize for any mistakes I make but the fact is I TRIED. And I TRIED MY BEST. While I know that things might very well not turn for the better, I can only keep that long almost-meaningless sense of hope in me as a form of self-deception just so I can move on.
That’s not the only thing that make me recognise the fact that regardless of how many times I try to make things different, there are certain things that would never change. I’ve always hoped for a day that I could show them how I’ve changed and prove them otherwise. The day came, but it didn’t turn out good. I was disappointed in myself and saddened that after all these years, they still couldn’t see through the differences to treat me for who I am. Honestly, I expected so much and genuinely believed that I might, for once, look and act different – and by “different”, I mean normal. So much so that the realization of the sad old fact that everything was status quo left me feeling downright bitter and ashamed of my very own self.
Expectations. They can be so misleading. But without them I can’t find a reason to move forward. Yet time and time again they disappoint, making me feels stupid for being such a silly dreamer. I tell myself not to be bothered because I didn’t expect anything since NOTHING BEGAN IN THE FIRST PLACE. But I guess I’m wrong. Foolishly, I expected so much that concealing it by acting nonchalant was the only way I could contain my hopes and excitement for what might be in store. When it did not work out the way I had imagined, I was distraught. Now I even see myself as some disgraced and desperate soul that fell into a trap that was laid long ago in absolute certainty that I would, on my own accord, fall for it. I feel stupid for putting all the eggs in the same basket and breaking them time and time again.
Would I feel this way if people had accepted the differences I have?
Is it a problem I created for myself or are they the intolerant ones?
Why didn’t anyone help me out of the problem when I was going the wrong way?
Where are all my friends?
Then again, do I really have true good friends?
Why is it so difficult to hope for something so simple?
Why does it only seem to happen to me?
Why does all my attempts turn out fruitless?
Why did it take so long for me to realize all these in its true and whole form?
Now that I realize, is it too late to change that fact?
Will I ever be able to change that fact?
This is the struggle I go through.
Cool or Just Denied - Top 5 Trashy Songs I Like
There's no point in compiling a song for the worst ten songs since i bet there are tons of rubbish songs out now today. And i doubt anyone wants to listen to really lousy songs cause it's just be a waste of their time. However, just like how even some types of trash are useful (used cans, newspaper), a handful of trashy songs are still soothy to our ears, although they're much harder to find. But no fret, i've tortured my ears enough over the years and sourced out for you the FIVE BEST TRASHY SONGS that are actually listenable. (youtube links provided for your reference)
1. Fast Food Rockers - Say Cheese (Smile Please)
From the name of the band, you know it's a winner for trashy songs lists. In fact, "Say Cheese" is not even half as bad as their debut single, the infamous "Fast Food Song" which almost (thankfully) hit the number one spot in the UK charts. Despite the cynicism surrounding the Fast Food Rockers, they've managed to come up with a very smiley single that hit pop-trash addicts like me right at the heart with the bubbliness and cheerfulness it possesses. Its dim-wit lyrics of "Smile please, c'mon everybody wear that happy face" rips of it any sense of intelligence and credibility - a tell-tale sign of any trashy song. Yet, it is because of it's superficiality (it ain't that easy to just smile and be happy) that it works as a good mood-uplifter. Carrying with it the Euro-pop vibe, the song is catchy, easy to sing along and indeed, VERY TRASHY.
2. Paris Hilton - Nothing In This World
First things first, PARIS IS TRASH. So I should not even feel an ounce of guilt for putting her on the list. So by right, she should be the one thanking me for recognising the quality of her pop-trashiness. After the disappointing performace of "Stars are Blind" (probably due to the fact that people are plainly watching her prance around in skimpy clothes - or were there any? - in her very sexy video, we thought we saw the last of Paris' music career. But by the looks of her second single, it is evident that our hotel heiress has disregards all critics to release a pop-cadelic gem that has successfully charmed all pop fans and mainstream music followers. Besides being addictively catchy ("da da da da dadada..."), the message of the song is clear too - I'M BETTER THAN YOU AND NOTHING'S GONNA HIDE THAT FACT. Just what Paris needs to up her slut factor and show the world she's not just a bimbo. She's a bitchy bimbo that bites back. Purrr....
3. The Andriods - Do It With Madonna
Yup. It's about Sex. And with Madonna. Yucks. This song parody showcases what most perverted testosterone-charged men out there thinks exactly when they watch videos of Britney, Kylie and (for the the CHI KO PEK) Madonna. The interesting point about this song is the lyrics. Suan-ing Pink (Pink is cute but still a baby) while admiring the obvious favourites (I'd really like to be with Kylie. I think she's really, really hot), the song is funny and pokes fun at the popettes in a light-hearted way. But i'm most proud of the Andriods for giving props to our undisputed Queen of Pop, Madonna when credit was due. With its cheesy lyrics and playful melody, "Do It With Madonna" is no doubt a pop-rock delight. In fact, it's the only trashy song listed here today that has a good chart performance to boast about. It reached top 5 in Australia, top 20 in UK and became quite a novelty song throughout the world, eventually helping the band to clinch a major record deal in America. How good is that?
4. Geri Halliwell - Ride It
I'm ashamed with myself for putting this song together with the rest because I'm quite the avid Spice Girls fan. But since any song put out by any of the Spice Girls is deemed trashy, it seems almost fitting to include one of the girls' songs in today's category. Ginger Spice Geri certainly puts the Euro-trash back into Spice Girls with this dance-y single of hers. This single obviously has a suggestive front (RIDIN'' it... GEDDIT?). But with the French Pipes and Latino Flava it simultaneously carries with it, the song exudes a sense of cheekiness and sexiness that is undeniably attractive. Well, Pop is dirty. But admit it, some of us like it DIRRRTY.
5. LMNT - Juliet
There's a tendency for Disney songs to be super cheesy. Well, understandably considering its target audience aren't old enough to differentiate between BOOB and NOOB (eh.. they dunno both!). Still, there's a limit to how sugary and cheesy a song can be. "I just want you to know, i wanna be your Romeo. Hey Juliet!" is honestly over-used!!! However, the song still provides a refreshingly "innocent" look at love which is seldom present in today's era of "Smack That" and "Sexyback" songs. In short, very cheerful but also very kiddy.
Perfect for Each Other, Never Find Another
AUTUMN IN MY HEART
8 years late. That's how late i am in catching up with trends. Being the ultimate romance addict, I had to catch this classic Korean Love drama. And i have to say this, i've never been hooked onto a show for so long since Meteor Garden (Yes, i love MG. Disclaimer: because of Shan Cai). Furthermore, it makes logical sense to watch it than waste my time on sappy, uncreative Mediacorp dramas based on over-used story lines and dialogues. Below are my LOVES and HATES of this drama. Next Up, Winter Sonata. haha. LOVES 
1. Feasting my eyes on how beautiful and handsome the lead actresses and actors are. With looks like that, they could really kill. It's their fault i look like some washed-out country bumpkin standing next to them. Even after eight freaking years, they show no signs of ageing - no wrinkles, dreary eyes and discoloured skin. Sometimes, life is SO unfair. At least there's a possibility than the actresses' looks might be surgically enhanced. 
2. Being envious of the close bond the pair of sibling shared. The brother would look out for his sister like a guardian angel while the sister would throw sweet kisses and girly fits at her ever-compromising brother. Although i don't wish to be "showered" by love by my siblings, it would be real sweet if i had siblings that i could share my laughters and sorrow with. 
3. Their ability to cry SO MUCH Wonder if they've ever gotten dehydration just by crying so much. This bunch of budding actors can really over-work their tear glands to create the extremely EMO-fying feel for this drama. Except the first episode, you can find crying in all other 17 and each crying scene is at leat 5 minutes long. I'm utterly amazed by their ability to let their tears flow like tapwater. Fortunately i'm cynical enough. If not i'll die of depression and i won't even know why. 
4. Charm of Actor WON BIN The boyish charm that WON BIN exudes in the show is infatuating, even to me. WON BIN plays a spoilt illiegitimate rich man son who decided to change his bossy behaviour to get into the good books of En Xi. He goes to great and VERY ROMANTIC lengths to profess his love to EnXi, who stupidly and repeatedly refuses his proposal. He says VERY SWEET words (and very sincerely too) and continued to care for En Xi even after knowing she doesn't love him ONE BIT. How good a guy can he be? How good an actor can he be? I must work towards being him haha... jk 
5. Strong Will of EnXi (Lead Female Character) She is so pitiful. So went from Glamour Girl to Trailer Trash (and it's not even her fault), got bullied by her bastard blood brother, picked on by her twist-of-fate "sister" at work and in the family and had to die of cancer. That many bad things can happen to one person? Yes, the scriptwriters are cruel enough to do so. But the same reason i like Shan Cai (of Meteor Garden) is that she persevered through all the bad times (except death) and still remained as human as she was when most of us (or characters) would have turned into cold-blooded animals, devoid of emotions to immune ourselves from those painful experiences. 6. Not Hating the Blood Daughter for being "EVIL" Although scriptwriters for the drama tried to "EVIL-lise" her by making her pick on EnXi (the FAKE daughter switched by accident), i still felt sorry for her. She was the victim throughout the whole show (although not as sad as EnXi) and the thing is SHE DIDN"T DESERVE ALL THOSE SADNESS. She didn't choose to be the rich man's daughter who got switched to be a poor widow's baby. Just because of that, her own blood FAMILY (esp the mother) ostracised her and she practically never felt LOVE throughout her whole life. Who are we to blame her for being selfish and "EVIL"? I would do the same if i was her. 
7. The Love Story DUH! HATES 
1. LACK of Kisses Yups. That was one of the only TWO lip kisses throughout the 18-episode drama series. FYI, The other lip kiss is forced. WON BIN's character forced-kiss EnXi. So by right, there's only ONE REAL KISS in the entire show. So much for a GREAT Romance story! I know Koreans might be embarrassed of showing their affections on national television but ONE KISS is really CMI lah! You think it's a fairytale meh? ONE TRUE LOVE"S KISS. No wonder birth rates falling there too... 
2. SUPER CLINGY Girlfriend YOU-MEI She is so desperate! Even after knowing her boyfriend feelings for her are super-imposed from his strong affections for Enxi, SHE DOESN"T GIVE UP. She attempted to commit suicide, she lied to him (the ULTIMATE BETRAYAL!!!) and KEEPS on falling sick, all just to get him to remain by her side. Avoid her AT ALL COSTS. 
3. The slightly INCENTOUS love affair They were "siblings" when they were young. Then, they found out they're not blood-related. So by right, nothing incentous. But EnXi, throughout the whole show, kept calling JunXi (the male lead character) KOR. Even when they were hugging and kissing, she STILL called him KOR. So disgusting! HE"S YOUR LOVER! Call him by name PLEASE!!! 4. The Fickle-minded-ness I know love makes people blind. But after watching the show, i conclude that love makes people indecisive also. Many a times in the show, i got quite annoyed when either the boyfriend or girlfriend would say one thing and change his/her decision the next second. Sometimes, they're not even influenced by anyone - they're just idiotically fickle-minded. Like in one scene, clingy EX-girlfriend YouMei tells Junxi to forget her. But after just walking TWO SMALL STEPS, she turns back and says she regrets. Now, she wants him to remember her - if not her efforts will go wasted. LAME! 
5. HOW DEPRESSIVE THE SHOW IS IT'S HONESTLY SUPER-EMO. Moral of the story: Happy Moments Never Last
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Happy new year to all!
Providing you some random updates about my life the past few days and updates about upcoming features.
NEW YEAR COUNTDOWN
People Present: Kenny G, Fengie, Gracie, KC and Jloe
Celebs Present: Michelle Chia, Michelle Chong, Gurmit Singh, Taufik and "Live the Dream" contestants (who are sadly STILL in the dream).
Things we did: Camwhored, Waved excitedly at Celebs (Esp Michelle Chia), Screamed a hell lot, Acted as if we were celebs
Things we didn't get do: Drink, Take pictures with Celebs, See Asian Idol Hady Mirza, Get interviewed by the Media
In short, no better way to usher in the new year that being with my friends there at VivoCity.
Pictures for your perusal: 
Luv this pic with the balloons 
The Armbands that made us feel so EXCLUSIVE. 
Gracie, Fengie, Kenny G and me (opps missed out KC) 
One for happiness, Two for Peace Random Updates 1. Finished watching classic Korean drama, "Autumn in My Heart" in 3 days. "Winter Sonata" is next in line 2. Started studying for Basic Theory. Let's just say my mind is REALLY rusty. 3. Consecutively three bad days at work. Hope next week's better. 4. Pretty down over work and " very personal" stuff. Calmed down abit by now. 5. Spinning Mandy's "Wild Hope" (Gift From Maxim, Thanks!) on my stereo. Lurve her. 5. Went for an interestingly amusing SPEECH WRITING "COURSE" with Kenny G which we didn't learn anything.
6. Plans/Designs for Room Renovations have kickstarted! Keeping my *fingers crossed* for an even better room. Upcoming Features Updates for Year 2008: Tentatively, 1. Best 10 Lesser Known Ballads 2. Best 10 Feel-Good Songs 3. Best 10 Trashy Songs I Love 4. Best 10 Songs from a Singer from a TV Reality Singing Show 5. Best 10 Rock Songs/Ballads 6. Ultimate Romance Movie Guide P.S: More Updates soon i hope. Not a very good first week of 2008 but hopefully things will turn for the better.
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music.city.soul
jloe is a serious music addict, with an slight inclination towards swedish and scandinavian music. he will always be mandy moore biggest fan, though currently he has a (huge) soft spot for lauren conrad. in his spare time, he enjoys chatting with friends, watching movies, and basically doing whatever his heart tells him to do. Peace.
SONG OF THE DAY: fibes oh fibes - run to you
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