I Think It's Pretty Pretty
Well, what a nice end to my somehow alright May. Shall look back on May in my next entry.
  
Today was (strictly) no SEX, but IN THE CITY! Fengie, Gracie and I met up for this movie extra-glam-vaganza. PLUS it's a ROM-COM. haha. The movie seemed too long and too packed but it was very nice feel good show to watch. The gals were very envious of the nice pretty clothes the ladies wore in the show and i always love watching a group of friends enjoying each other's presence haha. One thing really bad about the show: well, yes, the SEX. Far too raunchy for us to handle.
Random i know haha.
After the movie, it was window shopping at very very crowded Bugis Street as usual and before we left it was dinner at MOS Burger. Of course, the day is NEVER COMPLETE without CAM-WHORING with the gals haha.
 
Gracie and Me, Fengie and Gracie  All full and satisified  Last Shot!
It's Wasted, Wasted On Me
Hi all! Finally i am able to breathe... ha.
This has been one of the most busiest week. There's like so many little little things that i did that i can't even recall what i did. haha. There's like emails, emails and more emails to send and answer, letters, letters and more letters to prepare and updating, updating and a whole lot of updating to do. I must say i'm definitely sinking into my own skin of doing my own work. I'm feeling more at ease and sure of what i'm doing, although there are still times i second-doubt myself.
But with the increasing workload (coupled with late nights and duties), i find myself unable to do my usual chit-chat and gossiping with my fellow colleagues. I've become so busy to the point i don't even go near to that section of the office where i could steal a few moments of bitching relief or sarcastic humour to relax myself. It was like 10am in the morning today and i felt like i was so tired to carry on, like every inch of energy is taken out from me whenever i wasn't called for work or anything. haha. But surprising, when it got down to work again, i'm raring to go - possibly because i just want to get things over and done with FAST. haha. I'm quite alright in doing so which is quite good to know. haha.
Work i think is quite dready at times but sometimes i get a sense of satisfaction as well when i know i'm doing things right and sometimes, well and good. And i think it feels better when people appreciate your hard work. I'm quite touched when people say i work very hard for them, i deserve a break etc. At least they know i do my best at work and i'm just really glad they appreciate it. Period.
Well, on the other hand, i think i can get a... bit moody and pricky at work. Because i'm so burdened with work, i can't entertain any more bothering from my other colleagues, neither am i in the mood (or have the energy) for laughter. I guessed i might have pissed them a bit with my frustrated attitude this past week so hope they don't mind haha. I just need to revive that alert little devil in me while juggling with work so i can joke and work perfectly. haha. And rest more.
Well, enough of work! TGIF! I'm just chillin' and it's gonna be a fine weekend i believe.
Maybe i'll watch a movie, maybe i'll do some shopping, maybe i'll sleep a bit more, maybe i'll treat myself better by eating some nice food. I think i deserve it haha.
If You Hear Me Come & Sing It Out
With the impending room renovations and my becoming as a 20 year old, i have decided to embrace my own preferences and make a list of things i need to live up to my own expectations.
1) To be the Music.City.Soul i so claim myself to be
I have a music blog, i have over a hundred cds (craze over cds during my secondary school days), and i have a definitive Ipod. Now i just need my room to live up to the music guru i proclaim to be.
Things i need to get:
- Beverley Knight's "Music.City.Soul" CD - This CD title is the inspiration for me to be the music fanatic i am. I wouldn't be the person i am without this amazing soul singer and her very aptly titled album.
- Gramophone/Grammy look-alike clock/toy - Being a music award fan, it is also essential to own something reminiscent to the Grammy Award - the definitive award for any musician. Plus, i need it to fake my own speech in my own room when watching the award show. haha.
2) To be the UK Fan i am
In fact, other than loving British Music, i am most obsessed with the UK flag. I can't stand people wearing any shirts with the UK flag and i'm not. That's why
- i need a shirt with a BIG UK flag. I have a bag with my fave flag but i guess that's just NOT ENOUGH.
- I need to buy a UK Flag. Seriously. So i can hang it beside my bed. It'll make my room so... ME. haha
3) To be the Romantic Comedy Fanatic I am
Well, insightful personal entry done. Now to totally live up to the term FANATIC, i need to collect the romantic comedies. ALL my favourites. Kenny G has started to do that but i just can't help but do the same! (can we deconflict so i can buy some and you buy some others? haha)
The list goes:
- A Walk To Remember - Wimbledon - Pride & Prejudice
- Never Been Kissed - Ever After - Serendipity
- She's The Man - Chasing Liberty - How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days
- Two Weeks Notice - Miss Congeniality - Mean Girls
- Pretty Woman - Shakespeare In Love - Made Of Honor
- Music & Lyrics - Ice Princess - EDtv
- Father Of The Bride - Cruel Intentions - Heartbreakers
- Pearl Harbour - A Knight's Tale - Before Sunrise / Before Sunset
Blimey! that's a whole lot!... Well, gotta start the collection now!
4) The chic preppy guy i hope to become
Haha... i realise nothing works my way, especially since i'm not tall and handsome. I will NEVER opt the Brad Pitt route. Neither the Jay Chou (too beng), or Edison Chan (too playboy) or Orlando Bloom (i don't have his charm) route. So i opt for the one i can safely slip into, preppy.
Which means i need more
- Shirts, t-shirts
- bermudas and more preppy bermudas
- canvas shoes / nice shoes!
NOW i just need MONEY! haha...
In What We're Doing In Here
Well, back with some updates finally!
Sat was my first time attending the NDP Bay Ambassador session. Yes, if you didn't know, i am officially a NDP Bay ambassador! Nothing too glamorous. In fact, i think i'll be embarassed if anyone saw me at the parade haha... Maybe doing all these volunteering makes me feel very cheesy. Then again, i'm sure it'll be a good experience so hell with the cheesiness right? haha.
After the session, Kenny G and i proceeded to Holland Village to have our lunch (actually i was the only one having lunch) and then high tea. Well, that's my FIRST time to high tea. haha.
Well, chatting over tea and delicious cakes was certainly very chillin' (street-speaking). I think it's a different and very relaxing way to spend the sat tea time instead of well, doing window shopping for most of the time. And yes, it was back to Routine after that haha.
Sat aside, most of my time this past week has either been spent on
1) Watching America's Next Top Model Cycle 9 on Youtube - Finally caught on to it after not watching it for like god knows how long. I truly miss the days i can discuss ANTM with
S-herny those days when i was back in AJC. I still remember his impersonation of Tyra was super hilarious and we have some great moments talking about being "fierce" haha. Plus, ANTM provides me some exciting tv bites i've neglected for so long - the bitchiness of the models etc. Entertaining my weekday nights spent at home and make me NOT think about work. haha.
2) Watching my rom-coms i've rented. Sadly, the rom-coms i've rented are NOT THAT fantastic. Well, i should have guessed anyway since they're not that well-received. The only movie that spiked my interest was however, not a rom com but a musical. And that is Dreamgirls! That's a nice movie to watch and sing alot!
3) Packing my room - My room renovations are starting next next week i believe and i have lots of packing to do. I seriously don't know how to pack - i'm not sure what to keep, how to pack them in the boxes we have to make use of the space in the box fully etc. At least i've cleared on cupboard but that's only like 1/5 of the entire room? I must so STOP PROCRASTINATING and get packing. I'm so lazy at home nowadays.........
4) Thinking of how to decorate my new room! I have a few ideas i want to incoporate into my new room but nothing's finalised (nothing's ever finalised i think haha). But i shall elaborate on my next entry. I'm trying to make a list of things i need to buy for the new room and well, a list of things to get for myself to make myself happy for my incoming birthday. I wanna buy SOMETHING but i haven't got a strong idea of what that THING is! hmmm...
Well, May certainly is ending SO SOON! But i still have one last tough week ahead... wish me LUCK!
Love & Life Through A Romantic Comedy Fanatic
Being 19 and ever so single, i am surprised, sometimes, with how comfortable i am with the idea of singlehood. No, i am not some flirtatous bachelor who lives his life like a rockstar, going out to meet different groups of friends for clubbing events, birthday parties, functions and whatever there is for them to do. And friends who know and have seen me in photo should very well know that i am nowhere close to being a drop-dead gorgeous hunk. I imagine myself more like Bridget Jones, the alternative male version of course, average height, average face, somewhere between average weight and thin, who is not that out-going and who delve into random deep thoughts whenever i am alone and free.
In fact, for most of my free time, i devote to writing, or more specifically, blogging, to capture my own thoughts and memories, with music, and the next closest would be to watch movies. Not just any kind of movies, although i find myself being accepting to all genres, but to be exact Romantic Comedies. And there is of course a distinct reason to why i am drawn towards such movies. Or maybe why i am not drawn to other types of movies. I consider myself an anti-aggressor so action-pack, fighting, boxing, war movies are certainly right down my list of "movies i should catch". The only aggressive nature of mine would be to grumble, complain and well, you know, bitch. That's why i believe there's an affinity of me to chick flicks like Mean Girls. Slapstick films are also out of the questions since i can't stand the absurdity of the plot. I remember myself sleeping through movies like "The Date Movie" and " Norbit". Horror films are fine with me, although not my preference. And then, it leaves me with Romantic Comedies.
Romantic Comedies. It's a kind of movies singletons like me either hate or love. Some hate it because it makes them feel worse about themselves. They don't like to be reminded that they are people, who are well... of marriagable age, that nobody has yet to appreciate them for and that the only thing they can do to spend their free time is to watch another movie that reminds them of that fact. I belong, forunately, to the other group which loves romantic comedies. Actually, more accurately romantic movies since the comedy of it all is only the sideline to the mushy flick. I believe people in my group wants to be nourished by the ideals of keen friendship, family and of course, true love. We watch these movies in hope that one day, we might, just like what happened to the main character - actually more often than not, i imagine myself to be the main character - meet the one we call the one.
I believe i have watched enough romance movies hiherto to be able to call myself a true blue fanatic. I actually do think i can fit the role of a movie critic who specialises in reviewing romance/rom-com movies just because of the sheer number of good and bad romantic comedies i have watched. Ask me what makes a perfect romantic comedy and i can tell you straight in the face it is the process of falling in love. Yeah, the process, despite all the drama mama, ulterior motives, and scandals that goes on behind the scene. That's why you see movies like "Never Been Kissed", "Ever After", "She's The Man" (yeah, even this) work fabulously. They show the process of how the characters develop feelings for each other. Without the process, or if the movie is something other than the process - like in "The Bachelor" the movie is about how the boyfriend in a good relationship tries to get her girlfriend to marry her - it simply doesn't work.
And what makes the process? Talk and a whole lot of talking. Not plain rambling about yourself, but connected kind of chat where you share anything and anything about this world and the other party somehow has something personal to share and it just goes on and on. Take for instance, the two part movie, Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. It shows how two individuals connect and almost fall in love by simply engaging in meaningful connected talk. The movie has no storyline, it just shows them talking and you get drawn into how fanscinating their chat can be. Similarly, in real life, although i have never been in love, i firmly believe it's the process and the talk that makes the difference.
I think by this time, you must be bewildered by the fact that i am such a sucker for Romantic movies. Maybe the idea of such a movie bug scares people into thinking what a DESPERATE HOPELESS LONELY creature i am. Well, in actual fact, it isn't that pathetic or scary as movies made it out to be. I am certainly not a 40 Year-Old and i definitely don't think like a horny sex-deprived virgin.
Let's not make this "Why I Am Still Hopelessly Single Part 2"(Fyi, yes, there is a part one) cause it certainly seems to be going down this way. Although i admit to being like Molly Kagan (Debra Messing in "The Starter Wife"), who becomes more conscious of my own being as a person as i grow and mature. As a singleton. One who would feel a sense of doubt when alone and reflecting on myself. Like when you look into the mirror, you occasionally cast a few random thoughts on yourself. Whether your dark circles are showing, making you look too haggard and you wonder to yourself if others would notice it too. Whether your collar bones are too obvious, ecentuating your thin figure or whether the pimples on your face are attracting bad and unwanted attention from the public before thinking to yourself that you look like a mess. Then you wash you face, adjust your hair, and you look at the "slightly more" refreshed person in the mirror and think, "Yes, this will do. I can do it" with a confident smile. That is, until you walk out the toilet door. Haha.
I mean, it doesn't make any sense for me to dwell on why certain things turned out the way they were in the past. As Toula's brother in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" said, "Don't let the past determine who you are, but let it be a part of what you might become". As a almost fully developed (mentally and physically) individual, with less than raging hormones to deal with nowadays, i believe i am mature enough to deal with this topic of love in a mature and learned way.
Crazy as it might sound, i've imagined myself being the star of my own romantic comedy. Just that i'm more of a combination of qualities than a character of my own. I would consider them a cross between Toula ("Big Fat Greek Wedding") and Jossie ("Never Been Kissed") in their after slight make-over stage, who is unsure of what lies ahead but believes that i can do better with a little more confidence. Then add in Sarah Nolah ("Must Love Dogs") who take on a adoringly likeable self-deprecating attitude in love, Sara Thomas ("Serendipity") who believes in the element of fate in love and lastly Jane Nichols ("27 Dresses") who feels good enough to see others in love.
And i bet the last one is true. Hope my godsister wouldn't freak out or laugh till she cramps when she read this but i've sort of thought of what i will say to her at her wedding (if she has one and if she gave me the chance to speak and if i had the guts to speak - that's 3 if's if - now 4 -you notice.).
Picture yourself in the finale of "My Best Friend's Wedding" and i - this thin, average looking guy which you know only by name and connection - stand up, cling my own glass of wine, clears my throat softly and deliver my own speech to my dearest godsister.
Everybody claps and the clap dies off as soon as i open my mouth.
Me: Well, thank you. (smiles radiantly and very shyly) I'm really glad to be here today, seeing my godsister getting married. I mean it's been really long since we've first met and i'm truly happy that she has found a partner she can call her own. (proceeds in a story-telling tone) Well, when we were in our teens, we would meet occasionally and sometimes she would tell me a bit of her relationship at that time. But i discovered a trend after meeting her for a few times that "the boyfriend" sort of... changes everytime we meet. (everyone laughs) Ok just to clarify, we don't meet very often so XXX, you don't need to worry about her being very flirtatous. haha (everyone laughs lightly) So i sorta concluded to myself that if i ever meet her, it would spell the end of her relationship with her current boyfriend. You know, some sort of a curse. (everyone laughs again) I mean why else would she come and find me, this boring, lonely godbrother, when she has a handsome boyfriend to turn to? Hahaha... (everyone laughs out loud, and i look at my god sister) I'm joking ah... So when she met me when i was in NS, and she told me about this new guy, XXX, i was destined to believe that it will NEVER work. haha (everyone laughs) Then we met once, twice, thrice even and she was still with him! haha. And of course, today, i'm very very very glad and happy to say that the curse has been broken and by her very own prince charming. I believe she'll be very happy and i believe XXX will bring her the happiness she deserves. I wish you all the best. (Audience goes aww.... and my godsister tears)
My idea of love is simple. I have this belief that love is something that comes naturally. Not something i need to actively pursue. Cause in that way, i would be forcing myself to accept an idea which firstly, i might not be ready for emotionally, and secondly, which i cannot find a good reason to have it for. That's why i don't get it when people say i should go and get a girlfriend, find yourself some company and feel the luurvee... I am a completely indepedent individual, who has sufficient company from my friends to provide me with a stable sense of emotional support. In my free time, i am alright with spending time alone, either by watching rented VCDs or to arrange my music playlist over and over again. To make things short, i am not in desperate need for partnership. I don't mind having one, but nothing so far has struck me to feel "That's the one". No offence to any of my friends who've asked me to find a partner, i believe in the goodwill of their advice, them having love experiences in life, but just that i can't see myself pursing something i still don't feel the need for.
People say it's "better to have hurt than to never been loved". But i rather not love than to get hurt for stupid reasons like i wasn't ready or i didn't know what i was looking for. Right or wrong? To make things clear, there is of considerable doubt in whatever i've mentioned. After all, i am single and always have been for the past 19 years plus. Just like Jossie Grossie (Drew Barrymore), you can safely say i've NEVER BEEN KISSED.
Love, or a relationship, is like a romantic movie VCD on the rental shop. I will rent only when i feel i have the time and commitment to do so (let's not forget i need to be responsible when handling it). And every movie VCD on the rack are what's available. Some work and some do not and i have to take a chance to see if that's the movie i am looking for. But i will take my time to sift through the selection and wait till i have found the movie i want before i rent it out.
Whether i will end up like Bridget Jones, who presses the phone message and hears "You have no phone messages, not a SINGLE one" or end up like Katherine Heigl in 27 dresses, finally getting my own big day after giving blessings to many other before myself, i believe it's still one hell of a long route down. Or not both.
It's a love story still left unwritten. But i know, the ending, no matter what, is a good one - with or without love.
P.S: I hope this gives all of you out there who likes to read about love something to be intrigued about. I honestly did enjoy myself on this lovely self-discovery of my thought on love and life. Well, guess it doesn't take much to entertain a singleton like me.
The Heart Of The Matter
Quick updates here before the long weekend comes to an end.
I am SO having my own ROMANTIC COMEDY weekend!
Saturday, i went to catch the movie MADE OF HONOR! Finally a movie i anticipated to watch. Being a romantic comedy fanatic, it's obviously something i had to catch, having missed two other romance movies previously (PS I Love You and Definitely Maybe). The movie was certainly very enjoyable and fun. But most shockingly, the ending was totally different from what i expected. Good for a change considering all rom-coms usually end up with the same predictable nothing-to-comment-about ending.
Well, then it was dinner at the FIN restaurant with Kenny G, where we ate Fish & Chips for a discounted price using our SAFRA card. This must be one of those days where we feel, MAYBE it's good to be in NS. Just maybe. But it truthfully is not.
We proceeded to meet up with the gals, Fengie and Gracie, since we (or rather me) have yet to see them for quite sometime. We walked to the Singapore Flyer Station to catch a glimpse of this current fad that everyone seems to be going for. But since the four of us were as tight in our pockets, it was just a on-site appreciation of the so-far world's largest ferris wheel. Maybe when we're older and can afford the ride. Plus there's always a better view when the IR is up. The wait is worthwhile. right? haha
Anyway, to continue on my rom-com weekend, i spontaneously rented five VCDS (plus one from Kenny G) and gasps, ALL ROM-COMS!!!
  
  
So don't stop me from the rom-com mood now! Hmmm... to commemorate such a weekend ( i think i myself is te only one remotely excitedly about my own theme weekend), i have something i'm writing which is still in progress...
Ok, Enjoy your holiday rest for now!
That Voodoo You Do
Well, this is a lazy start to a potentially lazy weekend. I declare myself half-broke. Having so much money on what Jem terms "Charity" (shall not elbaorate further since it's well, taboo, haha), i am NOT willing to spend on any thing else if it's not worthwhile.
Anyway, the past two days my boring weekends were where anything but with two different "happenings".
Thursday was House-Warming Dinner, in which all of Manpower (the NSFs of course, and yes, including Miss Chipmunk) were invited to Joshie's new house situated at Braddell. Prince, Princess, maid and all other invited guests (the long-time-no-see Ton and Loba Loba, Marc and CM) had a pleasant dinner over at Joshie's house. The spotlight however, aside the house, was Joshie's dog, also VERY coincidentally named Prince. Much to the *roll-eyes effect* of Prince and Princess haha. JOKING. Joshie's younger brother is also named Joel by the way. Ha... Everyone got their chance to touch, play and fiddle with the dog, which was more than excited to see its royal guests haha.
Anyway, thanks to Joshie for the invite! It's very nice of you to extend the invite to all of us in office and well, although i might SOUND very "unwilling" (part of my sarcastic behaviour towards him haha), i am actually, truthfully, very honored. haha.
Friday was routine meeting with my possibly ONLY Jc friends i keep in contact with - Lumpy and Princess-C (Opps. my colleagues stole the name from you! haha). It was fast food dinner - my evergreen fave - over at Carls Junior at Far East Plaza. As i was always the ONLY guy in the trio, i'm always the MAID haha. But the joke of the day was actually on MY MAID! haha... She messaged me in the middle of our dinner saying: "You coming back for dinner? I am YOUR MAID." Actually i dunno what's so funny about it but the crazy two just kept laughing. Before we ended the day, they even started making jokes of my maid and me being together. CRAZY nuts.
Before we left yest, we plan to go Kbox at the Ten-dollar Chinatown Kbox for our monthly meeting. Great! Anything with music is fine with me! haha.
Well, on another note, i have to start PACKING my room!!! My room is VERY DEFINITELY going under renovations! That will happen in another week or two and i have yet to start any packing! Been going out and coming back late to have energy and time to pack... And my room is in SUCH a mess. Urgh... have to go thru the arduous task of tidying and packing and sorting.
Alright i shall look towards the future! Bigger wardrobe, better furniture and new room design! I am quite excited at this thought! haha...
BUT BUT BUT... i'm paying half of the renovations which is pretty alot. But then again, i will SUCH a sense of attachment to my room. So cool to really OWN (or at least half own) my room.
Should i hold a ROOM WARMING dinner then??? haha.
Come As You Are
Sometimes i like weekdays. Certainly not because of work but because they give me the "cosy" feeling whenever i spend weekdays with my friends.
Either a simple dinner or short walk with Yang Sis, or maybe Kenny G crashing my house for a few hours for a nice long chat. I don't usually plan my weekdays, they're mostly free and ever calling on people to call me or ask me for a heartwarming (i hope) get-together. If not, nowadays, i'll stay in the sanctuary of my own room surfing the net, taking my own sweet time to reply my fellow music friend, DK (haha. a first mention that is) , blog or have small chat with my friends on msn while cruising in the delight of my own special song selection.
Well, today Kenny G crashed my house again. It was all updates updates updates. Updates on life, ya whatever there is to our life, bitching and random stuff i can't remember. haha.
Kenny G's food review being published (again)!
Then it was rehearsal for his Toastmasters speech before we resumed out usual music monger session. And this time it turned out to be some mini pseudo KBOX session hahaha!!!
Can you believe this is THE ONLY ONE (of 20 shots) that turned out well? haha
We were grooving to the cheery beats of "STOP" (by my fave spice girls), emo-ing to the sorrowful voices of "TOO LOST IN YOU" and indulging in the serenating voice of Gabrielle in "OUT OF REACH". It was so random, so fun and sooooo... nice. I don't even think there's a need for KBOX anymore! haha... (But i still want to go la, call me!!!)
If you see the pic, i didn't even bother to change out of my army uniform. Just wanted to lie in bed and sing and relac... haha.
Well, that's it for another random weekday.
Have a nice day ahead... :)
Come On, Testify
Warning: Emo
Well, frivolous, fun-for-laughs stuff aside, i suppose it's been quite a long time since i've put up any serious, self-reflecting post (obviously emo posts aside too). In fact, i believe i haven't been putting much thought into how my future is going to be like and what it takes for me to achieve what i want. Or at least what i need to be to be decently, or maybe a little more than that, self-sufficient.
The only fact i am certain about of my future is i'll be studying Pharmacy and that's all. As to what Pharmacy entails and what my life entails with Pharmacy, i have not a single clue. I only know i can be a pharmacist. That's how deep i've thought about my future.
(DON'T say you'll see me in GUARDIAN. I swear i'll flare up...)
In fact for most part of my life, i've been chasing goal after goal without realising what is the final outcome that i want. In primary school, my goal was to get good results to get into a good secondary school. At secondary school, my goal was to get good O level results to get into Jc. In Jc, my goal was to get good A Level results to get into University. (well, sounds like i'm been chasing the same short-lived dream for my past 12 years of study huh...) Now that i'll be entering University (well, next year technically), i am supposed to see how my REAL life should turn out to be when i start work. And it's all in my hands.
Maybe my final aim in life is just not as practical as one would have. To have RICH, or FAMOUS or SUCCESSFUL. I don't need to be any of that. And maybe i don't want to be that. (Other than being famous for being famous haha... a BIMBOTIC dream of mine to live like a rich/talentless socialite. So easy breezy) I want to have a well-paying job, which supports me financially and allows me to have sufficient breathing space. Breathing space which allows me to catch up on my own life, pursue my own interests and maintain my own relationships in life.
Maybe that's why i see no motivation in pursuing for scholarships (the idea of "promoting" myself just so these rich orgs can sponsor me turns me off), or getting a good part-time job during NS so that you can earn extra bucks (the idea of "money-making" sounds like greed to me which also turns me off). I just LIVE and i don't think about anything.
When i embarked on my National Service, i dedicated these two years to build up on two things.
First, to lead, learn and lay on some fats on myself. Leading didn't turn out well, especially in the army context. Learning is an everyday process which i am grappling with every second. And as for laying fats on myself... it's still a long way from what is "healthy".
Secondly, to improve on my own personal life. Be it friends, family and well, that's about it. After 15 months, unfortunately, i can only say the report card isn't too optimistic. More than anything, i've gained more fair-weather friends than before which well, doesn't serve much functions other than to spend a weekend with me every few months.
I've developed a closer connection with my godsister, having becoming my weekday random movie buddy. I've gained a good friend who has also become my weekend buddy. And of late, i've regained a good friend who has become my weekend volunteer buddy.
Sometimes i deceive myself that i have many friends but then when i really count it, there ain't that many. Less than a pathetic handful. With that, i mean i discount virtual friends who i chat with and fantasize about becoming close friends with (although i seriously DO recognise the possibility of it becoming a fact but that's TOO hard too say too). At the end of the day, you know the ones physically there, who've seen me and talked to me, are those that knows the most about me. Or friends who i feel can become good friends with me but it hasn't happen yet and it's again my own fantasizing up to no good.
So in fact, i entered with little and ended up with less. I entered my national service with hopes. And now i no longer firmly believe in those hopes anymore (not don't believe, just not as firm).
Funny thing is, i thought it would be a time for me to know more about myself. But then i realise the more i learn, the more i think there's nothing to learn about me. I'm an aimless soul, with a very much "less than ambitous" goal in life, who tries in vain to save his bland and boring bothersome life.
I am not sad, but i am facing the facts in front of my own eyes. Plus I'm seeing it it in a logical way.
If people say "you need not have anything, as long as you have dreams" (or along that line), i don't know if i should consider myself a slight failure or what. Cause i don't have any, or at least something tangible in the short term. I have dreams of travelling the world and going to concerts of my favourite artistes but that's not gonna happen anytime soon. Or maybe visions of me getting my first paycheck and feeling i've finally become a self-sufficient person- independent and free to make my own decisions in life, or of me moving into my own apartment (finally) free of parental control and free to express myself. But that's also not gonna realise in the next few years.
Nothing in the short term. I hope to make more good friends but after so long, i've certainly realised it's completely out of my control. Whatever happens happens. The more i try to speed up a "friendship" so we go into "good friends" mode, i find it's all my "fantasizing" again and things never work out in the end. And i get ANOTHER FAIR-WEATHER Friends.
I'm tired of fair-weather friends. I want long-lasting good friends.
Oh i''m so confused what i'm writing about here. Friends or dreams or future career.
And yups, that's how my life is going now. I have not a single clue where it's heading.
I JUST LIVE.
You Better Not Kill The Groove
Sat was FINALLY Kbox! After serious Kbox mania in Nov and Dec, i practically had Kbox drought from January to April! Yups, and to celebrate Miss Yv's Birthday for the SECOND time (don't worry, there's a third one coming up :0), Miss Chipmunk and all has decided to go for Kbox.
Although at first i was reluctant to spend another precious weekend with my colleagues (the feeling of "again?"), guess it was my SERIOUS LOVE FOR MUSIC that stole my heart away and made me go for the kbox. Plus the fact that Prince Ronald and Jem were going so it ain't gonna be the same. haha. (we sorta "force" each other to go huh... haha)
Little notes here: Jem has a nice good manly voice, Prince Ronald has his own "style" of singing, Marcus loves to choose poptastic english songs to sing me (i'm probably the only person who mostly sang english songs hehe), Joshie has improved on his Chinese, Miss Yv has a delightable taste for good cheena songs and Miss Chipmunk is well, probably the only one who didn't change. Her singing is just as BAD as BEFORE!
 
Birthday Gurl and...... THE MAID??? hahahah Hahahaha... (i know you're reading this and very agitated) JUST JOKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have a unique voice la ok... A voice that nothing can be compared to. Whatever it means. Haha!
Enough talking! Camwhore Alert! Prince & Princess (Ya, that's what i'm called. WTH.)  
Jem and his trademark -_- , No comments on Prince. 
Permutations and Combinations   
Boss and Me 
First Attempt: Miss Chipmunk cut away. TOO BAD! Second Attempt: Jem looks... enLIGHTened. Great.  
Ok Enough of me being a act-cute (i know i know... haha) CAMWHORE! Looking forward to another Kbox!
Rocksteady Can’t Break My World
Before say this week is pretty bad, there is some saving grace. Not because i have some "happening"-s (this has seriously become a word between Prince Ronald and me) but more towards the intangible side.
When i'm down or when i'm in a bitchy/pissed mood, at least i know there are people around me who i can talk to and will be there to console me and stand by my side. And likewise, when i'm happy, there're people that i can share my happiness with. Or even more humbling is the fact that people turn to me when they're feeling down or having something good to share with me. [You know who you are. Thanks for being a friend to me, and thanks for treating me as a friend you trust :)]
And of course, one more saving grace, and that's my Advanced theory test!
I seriously think it was even harder than any of the Biology or Chemistry Test i took in school. Probably because i have absolutely no passion or interest to study for it. WHAT for DRIVING? Purrr-lease...... So the past few months, i've been touching the book only a few times, only when i was reminded by how soon the test is approaching. And i dont wanna waste both time and money having to retake it. Furthermore, it's JUST SO UNGLAM to fail.
The reason i'm smiling is because i'm not studying (yet)
Studying past Ten O'Clock... Zzz (this looks weird! haha. looks like sth else is going on. Eeek!) 
That's when i really think i'm gonna fail!!! haha... But i managed to focus better or what are the important stuff with the TYS (yes there's a TYS for driving theory test - can never go wrong with TYS man!!! haha). MUGGER ALERT. These are times when my other mugger half (so hidden away in me of late) comes out for a peek and makes sure i don't fail. haha.
Plus guess what! Ter-weeds is taking Basic Test on the same day of my Advanced Test! And one session earlier than mine! So coincidental! I passed all my luck to him since he went for it earlier, having studied for it ON THAT DAY ONLY haha (power!), and HE PASSED! I was telling him i ONLY want to hear good news and very very fortunately (i believe) my luck showered on him and it really came true haha.
Well, after his successful attempt, he passed his SUCCESS luck unto me! haha. AND YES!!! I PASSED!
PASSED! (the clearest i can get with my dumbo camera) HAPPY and RELIEVED! 
This is SO GOOD haha... To have my friend and i pass our test on the same day! haha. And that marks the end of studying for DRIVING! Wooo~~~!!!
But They Love My Sound
Today was a busy day at work for me! I swear i'm really not good at figures and tables and tables full of figures! Gave me headache after dealing with it for like one hour plus.
But nevertheless i accomplished what i wanted. So whew... to a head-achy day. And yes, another round tomorrow.
Well, time is office now is pretty interesting. Getting busy and worrying for me workwise but other than that, i'm trying to relieve my stress by inflicting sarcastic comments ever so effortlessly on Ms Chipmunk and my new found target, MY GREAT UPPERSTUDY, Joshie.
All i can say is we're not on "good" terms. I'm "Stupid Joel" for whatever i say to him. Then again, whatever i say to him is sarcastic haha... Ms Chipmunk on the other hand, is ever so affected by my painful but "just kidding" comments. haha. I finally get to practise some sarcasm skills on NEW TARGETS. haha
Anyway, due to clashes in schedule between Ms Yv, Wendie and the rest of the boys, we made a quick decision to celebrate Ms Yv's birthday today at HOT CULTURE at Marina Square. Well, the usual happened. Ms Chipmunk makes a fool of herself, i make fun of Joshie and we makes fun of Ms Chipmunk. haha.
Photos!
Three of us and the three "angels"
Candid and nice! haha.
So not handsome 
i don't look nice AT ALL. Whatever!
Can i laugh at Joshie's hair? hahahaha P.S: just got my haircut on sun so i dont look nice! i look cheena! eee...
I Don't Wanna Know
Warning: Might be emo
I wonder why i always get the in between.
Not bad but not good either.
It's like when you think something's finally working out for you, it suddenly doesn't.
I get this nauseating feeling of having to anticipate what might happen next.
I'm plain unlucky.
Similar things have occured time and time again.
I know i can't have the best of both worlds, but is that one bit too much to ask for.
I find myself always having to fit into the moulds of the norm when i obviously misfit.
Just because of that few passable qualities, i'm supposed to be just like them.
Fact is, i'm not, i don't want to be and i cannot be.
But yet, i have to be.
Things just doesn't work out for me.
I try but i never succeed.
I only get through for a while.
Maybe a while is sufficient for me, but what's best for me?
I know it but i can't get it.
It's out of my control and i can only pray for the best.
I thought that the gods above can be my witness and do me justice.
But was i entirely the innocent man who got killed?
No i wasn't.
I was part of the plan that succeeded for a moment.
But failed towards the end.
Am i shying away from a part of me i can be?
I don't know and i don't need to know the result.
Because deep down inside, i know it never works out.
Twenty Six Nil
Continuing my streak of watching controversial/scandalous movies in recent months, today i finally got down to watch Cashback and the Oscar-Winning Film, BrokeBack Mountain.
Brokeback, if you ever do want to watch it, is quite an interesting film. Like most Oscar films, it centers not so much on excitement/entertaining the audience but showing the audience the story in its whole essence. It's obvious what the message of the movie is - to tell people to not discriminate (well, that kind) through a touching but mainly slow and painful love story. Slow for a reason that it spans over ten plus years. Stigmatised to be macho and all manly, both characters (played by Jake and Heath) found themselves having to hide their scandalous relationship in a cowboy world. To hide the truth, they hurt women that "love" in the process which ends up to be good for no one in the end. It's quite a slow and quiet movie but still bearable because i'm constantly on alert (haha) to see what they might get up to.
Cashback, on the other hand, is nice, witty and lovely, though it has its share of dirty moments (quite a considerable share i must say too). I'm sure most of you have heard of this story about an insomniac (Ben) who discovers that he could stop time and somehow uses his power to make sketches of nude women in their most beautiful and graceful form. I won't even consider the movie dirty since the hobby of the insomniac could be anything from music to books to games. It just happens that his was drawing pictures of nude women. haha. I like the main character for being so intuitive, making little reflections of his personal life as the story flows. He is a humble but personable guy, and together with his sensitive and intuitive side, makes me highly admirable of him. I like the way that he can be a bit funny, a bit serious and a bit humble and a bit witty all at the same time. Plus he has a dress sense that is simple but still chic. Maybe it's my fascination with British culture/dress sense but he looks really nice, esp the green striped polo shirt with a leather jacket he wore for his boss' birthday party.
The love story that developed between him and his female colleague, Sharon, is also sweet to watch and simply captivating at the end. Well, i love the part where Sharon and him sits down at the cafe, to talk about what each of them want to do in life (Sharon - learning Spanish so that she can travel, Ben - hopes to be a painter). How Sharon commends Ben on his chosen career stuck most to me. She said " I think it might be something to do with their ability to see beauty in everything; to then capture it and hang it on a wall for all to see."
Very true indeed. The same way i admire people with writing skills who can express themselves so well people can feel the same way as they do. Sadly, i can only admire. haha. But it was amazing how they could capture beauty as LOVE through the movie. Should catch it if you can.
Well, on with updates for my like-every-other-weekend weekend.
Friday i watched Iron Man with Yang Sis. It was a nice show, like a chick flick, you feel entertained but that's it. haha. Well, Yang Sis actually rejected her boyfriend's request to watch Iron Man earlier on but was ok to watch it with me haha. I said her bf must be pissed with me but as Yang Sis says, and i'm pretty sure, he's a nice person haha.
Sat was routine weekend with my usual stint at SA. This week i brought Kenny G along, hopefully he'll like it like i do in time to come. haha. After only a month there, i feel i;m quite senior there already with many more new volunteers! haha.
After a simple lunch at IVINS, Kenny G and I went to J8 to buy our much-desired footwear (dunno how to call it - slippers? haha) and then proceeded to Orchard Road for our usual walk down.
Sunday was movie day (the two movies mentioned above) and studying day. haha. Yups, i'm in panic mode to study well for my advanced theory test on this friday! WISH ME LUCK!
That's all. Out!
Must Be Doing Something Right
HAPPY LABOUR DAY!!!
It's so great to FINALLY get a break (on a weekday) after no-holidays April... Ah... Haha. Well just some random updates today before the break officially ends and work starts AGAIN tomorrow. Only consolation: TGIF (Thank God It's Friday!).
Well, after taking the advanced trial practice, i have low faith to pass the test. Die already must really study hard for it and USE MY RUSTY BRAINS!!! Someone help me! haha. Must study hard but I DONT HAVE THE PASSION!
Other another note, all thanks to Kenny G, I got my very own AUTOGRAPHED CD BY COLBIE CAILLAT!!! Yups, the COCO Album, signed (by colbie herself!), sealed and delivered (by Kenny G nonetheless haha)! It'll go down in history as my very first autographed cd. Cool... haha
Alright, for LABOUR DAY SPECIAL today, i joined Kenny G, Fengie and Gracie for a swim! Fantastic cause i've always liked swimming (esp since it's a less "macho" sport" and it's not physically v demanding) and i've been wanting to do some serious exercise to well, look a bit more healthy. So well, we swam at the Yishun Public Swimming Club after finding out SAFRA doesn't provide too good a service for guests (Fengie and Gracie).
It was quite nice swim and i managed to swim like 5 go-there-and-come-back laps on top of some random swim in the medium pool (Gracie and Kenny can't swim haha). And it was a good chance to get a bit of tanning since many people reckons i'm too fair for a guy. Well, i saw some guys suntanning at the public pool and it's kinda turnoff-ish. Like you go to a pool AND DONT SWIM? haha. Whatever.
After the swim, we went to buy some food (famous yishun laksa - hot!) to eat at Gracie's house as we watched Ocsar-Winning French film, La Vie en Rose . Gracie and Kenny have been wanting to watch it. Esp Kenny since he's quite the French wannabe haha. The movie was alright, quite brow-raising to look at the screwed-up life of a famous singer. Not WOW but not bad too.
And well, to end of the day, i learnt from my parents that my room is really going to get renovated! the contractor came when i was out so it relly might happen in the next few months! haha. But the problem is MOOLAH... My parents are asking me to pay HALF the sum. -_- Had a small tiff (nothing serious /violent) but no conclusion yet. But i guess no matter what, i'll have to pay.
It's always like that, GOOD but NOT~ THAT GOOD too. Life.
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music.city.soul
jloe is a serious music addict, with an slight inclination towards swedish and scandinavian music. he will always be mandy moore biggest fan, though currently he has a (huge) soft spot for lauren conrad. in his spare time, he enjoys chatting with friends, watching movies, and basically doing whatever his heart tells him to do. Peace.
SONG OF THE DAY: fibes oh fibes - run to you
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