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Life is so sickening. Urgh... Bad thing at bad time.Sunday, August 31, 2008 Well, this is what it is. I was happily going home after making a trip to Gracie's House to get photos and watch "Over her Dead Body" when i suddenly got a random call. Turns out it was from the tuition agency i signed up online eons ago and which have totally gave up trying to get one (plus too busy with work to think of having more work). Well, the agent told me there's an urgent assignment for this J2 guy at B.B. and wants a first lesson tonight (after some discussions la...). I was thinking, i was free and available on a sunday night so why not make a quick buck. Plus i emphasized that i was seriously NOT PREPARED for the lesson considering the SUPER LATE NOTIFICATION. But i still took the job and went for it, OPEN-MINDED. So there i made the seriously far trip to B.B and managed to find the person's house. Then i saw the tutee. Ok i'm not going to be mean so as to describe how he looks or whatever it is but i'll say after talking to him, the sister (who was "super superficially" nice) and seeing the house (he got LOTS OF ASSESSMENTS), i didn't get the good vibe. But the show must go on so i literally bluffed my way through the whole lesson. Thing is, i was completely out of touch of my stuff and it was really too sudden for me as well. So i only went through notes and then some MCQs, which i thought was PERFECTLY REASONABLE. But the other half i was chatting normally and giving him study tips which was PERFECT for wasting time. Then thank God, it was 9.30 pm (1 and a half hour of TORMENT) and i could finally leave. But i leave there CLOSE-MINDED. I seriously dont think i'll ever go back again. Though technically i have another TRIAL lesson on wednesday to see if it all work out. But i'm banking on the fact that IT WONT. Cause i can't take it and for many valid reasons: 1) I'm not good enough - i've lost touched completely (as mentioned) and don't think i can get back what i've lost in a mere few days to help a needy person do sufficiently well for his exams. 2) It's not fair to them - If you're thinking i'm just a golddigger who slacks through the job and wants to earn, then you're wrong. I'm actually feeling quite guilty that i didn't teach well or even teach much to be awarded any form of "monetary payment" for my services. 3) I can't take the stress - Money makes everything different. It's because of the money that i feel that either i must be GREAT if not i'll be cheating myself and them that i'm a decently good tutor. Plus they are the money-forkers so they'll nit-pick on everything i do which TOTALLY makes me feel TOTALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. I never like ANY attention on me, especially not-so-good attention and this is definitely one of those unpleasant attention-on -me moments. 4) If it's not from the heart, don't do it - Since NDP, i've sorta told myself i shouldn;t do things if i didn;t FEEL it. Not only do i not find this whole thing unmeaningful to me (it's meaningful, just not to me - this particular one only, in case you think i'm being stereotypical), i dont' feel happy doing it. Why make myself unhappy that's the second question to myself. So, yups, ONE FINAL TRY on wed and it's OUT for me. One hand i'm like "I'm so stupid to take it up la... so sickening..." and the other's like "at least i tried, well, if the next time not good just QUIT! haha." But still cant shake off the sickening feeling.... SICKENING man. Sickening... (just cant stop saying it haha) Jloe || 11:12 PM || 0 comments
Have been extremely tired for the past few days, that and some foul mood going on makes time in office a tad less tolerable. There are injustices that i find myself in as well as some being the puppet of some crazy freak show. What they mean i'll never tell but if you're smart or close enough, you'll know.Tuesday, August 26, 2008 Well, Prison Break aside - cause that's the ONLY thing i've been doing the past few days:being addicted to it, there is nothing for me to blog about. So today's a random post with random stuff. Very random indeed. First things first, Mar-Kus (as affectionately called by some sickening MUL-berry - insider joke) is finally back after two months of training during which i suffered from god-knows-what( and still will go through the same hell after he returns.) But on his graduation day he did return to MUL-therland to take a picture with us.  Well things have certainly changed alot in office since his long absence which just goes to show how volatile things are. Like fashion quote on Project Runway, "one day you're in, the next day you're out". Miss Chipmunk has left us, and a couple more has entered. Never quite the same though. At least things i don't wish to change hasn't changed yet. May the good remain and the best never fade - my tagline for now. On the other stuff, volunteering at SALE has come to a temporary stop since my participation in NDP and right now i'm still deliberating over my choice to return (Pardon me Fio haha). I've grown to love back my weekends after sacrificing so much to the nation (as strange as it sounds) and maybe i would like to fully enjoy my weekends back for a few more weeks before i think about going back haha. Well, SALE took a photo a long while back so here it is - (piemere photo of Fio too haha):  Think i've mentioned this before to Fio but it was a good starting platform for Fio and I to meet again after losing much contact as we were both preoccupied with studies and work for a very long time. The last time we met for ANY gathering was WAY back in secondary school (or was it JC) and well, you can pretty much say those days ARE OVER. haha... On yet another note, i have plans to start my very own photo album once i finish printing all my photos. Very fortunately, the photos printed last thurs turned out well and those that were not i have managed to grab them from Gracie (thanks!). After that photo frenzy, i went through my photos and realised i have more to print! hahha... Once all are printed then i'll ponder on how to go about personalising and creating one photo album to document my memories in a fun, interesting and VERY personal way. Til then... haha... Jloe || 10:37 PM || 0 comments
This is such a tiring weekend! And i still don't have much updates or anything blog-able but then again i'm tired... haha.Sunday, August 24, 2008 Well, after getting the second season of Prison Break from Prince Ron, i must say i'm ADDICTED to it again. All the twists and turns in the show makes it so enticing to watch on without missing an episode. For that, i watched 11 episodes (yes 11) on saturday itself, being lazy to go out o do anything but laze in bed and watch it. But one thing i find ironic is being the embodiment of ANTI-aggression - no confrontations, no fights, no physical "stuff", no competition and surely, no violence - i have no clue why i like Prison Break. It's VERY violent and gory at times but i guess i'm seriously fascinated by the plot which is written so brillantly. I'm also abit intriqued by Michael Scofield's ingenuity as well as his touch-and-go love with Sara Tancredi haha (yes even romance is part of why i like the show haha) . Anyway, Sunday night was Tony's 21st Birthday party at Downtown East. Attended it with Miss Chipmunk and Cheem though Cheem left very shortly after eating. Haven't seen Tony for a long time but he still feels the same, though there was nothing much to talk about. I was very tired after the Prison Break marathon too. haha. Maybe i was quite turned off by the fact that other colleagues didn't keep their promise to go for it. Though it's not MY birthday, i think it's very insincere to not attend a friend's birthday party when someone had already informed you much earlier of it. And with excuses like LAZY and TOO FAR. It's someone's BIRTHDAY (what more 21st birthday) for one, you dont get to celebrate his 21st birthday ever again. I'm in no position to get unhappy with them because it's not even my business but i think if i'll definitely feel very unhappy if my friends do such things to me. If you don't want to go, say so from the start. Don't even say OK or MAYBE. Though techincally you SHOULD GO. Don't disappoint your friend who planned his birthday party with you in mind and you dont show up in the end. Very irresponsible and immature. On a brighter note, sunday was quite good actually. Had lunch with Boss, JJ and Sam as sorta a "farewell" or "ceremonial" meal to symbolise JJ's departure from a place he doesn't feel good in. Had Dim Sum at Crystal Jade Restaurant at Taka which was actually quite a glamorous posh place to eat in, though i believe it must have been quite EX. Thanks Boss then... After that went to windowshop with the two boys before i headed home to sleep (feeling quite sleepyhead these days - must be work). Woke up in time to meet Kenny and headed to Gracie's house to grab some photos. We ended up staying for dinner and had a WONDERFUL time there talking and watching the Closing Ceremony for Olympics on tv. Thanks Grace for the extreme hospitality. It was such a great fun night at Grace's house that came so unexpectedly too. I never thought i would stay there so long too (til 10pm on a SUNDAY). But it was the highlight of the week haha. Well, next week there is plan to meet so looking forward to it tooo! Alright... Bye for now! Jloe || 11:50 PM || 0 comments
I have nothing much to blog about today so first up:Wednesday, August 20, 2008 Funny video!!! Watch it before u read any further! haha. Absolutely spastic! Seriously this is hilarious everytime i watch it. FYI, it was taken during Gracie's Birthday and this was taken sneakily by Gracie when the rest of us were cam-whoring. Fantastic work by Gracie though haha... Anyway, that was then. Today is a different story haha. Well, After SO LONG, i took a well-deserved (in my own opinion) break to really really rest. So basically today was using ALOT of laptop for music mostly and listening to ALOT of music. In the afternoon, i went out with Yang Sis who so happened to not be studying. I was just lying in bed yesterday and thinking if tomorrow i'm just going to stay at home to slack, since i did not make any prior plans before deciding to take the OFF today. But i still wanted to go out for a light walk and i thought of Yang Sis. So i called her and surprise surprise, she did not have lessons on Wednesday (!) and also felt like going out (!). So it was, "See you tomorrow" after 3 minutes. haha. Haven't been to town for so long (yes since being involved in NDP) and the closest i went was Bugis for my lone shopping spree (which turned out very fruitful actually haha). Well, should make more plans to go shopping now that i have my weekends back. Still need to get shoes and maybe more t-shirts! haha... Have been wearing the same old canvas shoes i bought in Shanghai in March which by now has turned very dirty (because i didn't really wash it) and is a bit spoilt (from all my outings haha). Yups, i really need those shoes lying somewhere in this small island. Well, after returning home, i suddenly had the urge to go print out all the pictures i have kept in my laptop. First being my laptop looks like it's gonna crash any moment and second, i have been wanting to do so for a long time. Actually since last DEC (?) i already had plans to make a photo album to keep all my pictures but it didn't materialise since i didn't have many photos at hand. By now, i have slightly more and the collection is growing slowly ever since i've been bitten by the camwhore bug from Kenny and gang. Before i met Yang Sis i walked by this shop which printed photos for 20cents (4R) for 100 photos minimum (easily reached by me) and so the cheap price was VERY tempting. So once i reach home i transfered my photos to my thumb-thumb (office lingo for thumbdrive) and headed straight there. But bad news is, the shop assistant after checking my pictures, said some might not be clear enough as the photos are took randomly from facebook and wherever i grabbed from. So she suggested 3R (cheaper with almost the same photo size but smaller) and i agreed. I'll collect the photos tomorrow so fingerscrossed on the photos being CLEAR!!!! Pray for me!!!!! haha... Not many updates lately - more work, no rest and duties to clear. I need another break! haha... Well, that's all for now... more updates soon... Jloe || 8:54 PM || 0 comments
Well, there is seriously nothing much for me to blog nowadays since NDP has ended and most of the weekdays are work work work. So only minor updates today...Saturday, August 16, 2008 I guess it's good to have a breather once in a while. This wednesday, Kenee (haha) and your truly met up with the gals whom we haven't met for quite long time. We met in Bugis for dinner and window-shopping session, and yes in our army uniforms. (urgh. haha)   guys and gals A couple more cam-whore shots. didn't take alot cause Gracie's camera battery died on us. haha.     Well, actually before the dinner appointment with them i was working whole day at gombak, which was pretty interesting, working elsewhere with boss (nevertheless urgh...). But i would prefer my own office though it has it's own set of worries and irritants. haha. Yesterday i met up with Kennee for dinner as well, though i was the only one to eat. To pass him my thumbdrive as we'll be meeting on sunday for breakfast. Due to my stupid idiotically useless external hard disk spoilt, i have lost ALOT of my songs. The past month plus plus i have TOTALLY out of touch with music. All because of the stupid hard disk which was meant to be a BACKUP. I even named it SIM BACKUP. Now the backup screwed up and i am screwed. But somehow, with this sudden new fevour to find back my songs, i'm starting to gain back my long-lost passion for music. The July musical drought unbearable and shouldn't be allowed to continue haha... Well, that's all! May the rest of the days be more peaceful and relaxing for me. haha... Jloe || 10:12 AM || 0 comments
Well, it was NDP FINALE finally yesterday after almost 3 (?) months of training sessions and rehearsal shows! haha... Finally i have weekends to myself after weeks of sacrificing my precious weekends to well, the nation =X. haha.Sunday, August 10, 2008 Anyways, NDP was alright generally, though i find it's probably be one of my last (few) volunteering experience ever. Too old for all these "high-energy", "Enthu" stuffy [omg, can't take it anymore... haha] My group wasn't exactly fantastic but at least i met some nice and funny people from my group. And i mean really funny, not those lame, idiotic spastic attention-seeking fools who think they're funny. Well, since i was always attached to other groups, i never got the chance to know my other group mates well too, but at least i did find my group of four haha - as Astra says, FANTASTIC FOUR. Hardly fantastic but well, it's a four at the very least. And that's a good thing too. haha. Well, the pics we took ourselves: (censored the pants myself - AND DON "T LAUGH AT ME)   At the end of the day, when everyone was gathering for group photo, Astra and i then realised that WE WERE FROM THE SAME SECONDARY SCHOOL! haha... It was SUCH a pleasant surprise - like WHOA! Seriously?! kind haha. Because the screens were thanking PHS for their performance and Astra was like "Wah... my school on the screen". And i heard it and i went "EH! Your school?! That's my school too!" haha... Total surprise. Just Great haha. Well, have to thank Astra and Jacelyn for their great company throughout this NDP journey without which the time spent would have been such A BORE. haha. Thanks! haha Ok.... enough of NDP seriously. The past week has been quite bland for me. And though i did say weekends are totally mine for now... it's not entirely correct. Well, first two weeks of August had been NDP and next saturday is me on duty serving my FIRST EVER EXTRA (damn!). And the last Sunday of August is already long pre-planned for Tony's 21st Birthday bash. So it's all HALF my weekends to myself technically. There's so much i feel like doing. I wanna go back to routine, touring HMV for like hours (ok maybe not so long, Kenny can't stand it haha), shopping for (more) clothes - still need to get the shoes and belt i've wanted for VVV long, and maybe (fingercrossed) the monthly rounds of gathering. haha. Besides NDP and the cohesion day, the past week i've been hooked onto catching up on Prison Break Season One which i totally lost touch with since BMT. I was actively watching it even during my jc days and didn't catch up with it anymore since BMT and even though i knew the inmates escaped, i never knew how it exactly happen, or i should say, didn't SEE them escape. And i LOVE the show so much, watching three/four episodes once i get home. Other than that, it's a secret love for WATCHING (just watching) sports at the Olympics - gymnastics and swimming are my favourite sports to watch cause i know i can never be like them - so fast, so flexible and so... fit? haha. (i give up being fit already... as long as i'm NOT FAT i'm fine. haha - just to clarify, i'm fine with FAT, as long as i'm not the fat one. haha...) I used to watch gymnastics for this Russian female gymnast, Svetlana Khorkina, one of the best gymnast so-claimed, as she was unusually tall for the sport (many gymnasts are small and child-like haha) but nevertheless wowed judges and public with her stunts and skills which of course won her numerous titles. If you don't believe, youtube her and watch her on uneven bars. She's fantastic - and i heard she's a diva. Seriously. haha. Well, Sunday was plain and simple. Caught the Mummy 3 with JJ and went home for more olympic action haha... Not many updates, but hopefully more to come! haha... Jloe || 9:32 PM || 0 comments
Short updates today!Thursday, August 7, 2008 Saturday was preview day - was in the sun most of the time, giving myself a tan (good) but an uneven one tho (not good). Well, it was actually not bad cause ifinally got to see the show in full, even though i had to STAND throughout from 3 to 8 plus. Well, some photos as we cam-whored after the show:   And just today was my unit's cohesion day. We went to CMPB first before walking the henderson part (again for me, though we missed the waves this time) to hortpark before it was free and easy. Went out with the guys to dhoby ghaut to eat first, then as they went to play lan (totally not my thing), i separated from them to walk around in plaza singapura. There i bought two shirts from FILA as they were having sale at the open atrium, for a bargain $26 only. haha.. Then i headed to bugis as i still needed to get a long-wanted black bermudas for myself. But instead of just getting a black berm, i got three more t-shirts! It was such a splurge! But it felt so good. It has been so long since i was able to do things for myself by myself. Like buying something i really wanted and really liked. Provides me the satisfaction i believe i deserve for slogging hard at work these days haha. Well, in total the 5 shirts and one berm costs only a bargain price of below $100! i'm quite a good shopper, just that i don't shop often, i usually buy a lot in one go haha! Nevertheless i still have to-buy stuff like new pair of going-out shoes which i did watch out for in Bugis street too! Shall get it next time i'm there with Kenny or anyone haha... Feels good to shop and i have to do it again soon! Beats going to LAN definitely haha! Jloe || 11:03 PM || 0 comments
If you think this is an entry to promote Discovery: Travel and Living. Well, you're wrong. This blog is exclusively about my passion for music (MUSIC), my life and my thoughts (SOUL) and my environment (well, you can consider that CITY). Just as the title suggests, today's entry is more about my discovery of myself and how i live my own life. And yes, this will be another long entry. I kind of like long columns like this, makes me feel as if i'm some lifestyle magazine writer who always has interesting bits and intriguing perspectives of life to share with readers. Of course, my life is less than interesting and far less intriguing - i try to avoid complexities in life. (maybe you can call it "taking the easy way out" but well, life is hard, so why make it harder?)Sunday, August 3, 2008 This entry comes about with my "chance" meeting with Gabby and Bel just this friday night. As mentioned previously, the three of us finally met together after what seems many years. "Chance" because it was incredulously difficult to get the three of us together, and being able to afford New York New York (tsk: Gabby). Well, during the meeting, Bel, who i've actually met briefly at our class outing two weeks earlier, commented something intriguing about me. Other than the fact that she said i was "guarded" (which she also refuses to elaborate on despite my probing), she did say something positive. She mentioned that i was more cheerful than before. When i/she meant "BEFORE", it refers to both secondary and college years. Actually both Gabby and Bel are two friends that saw me through what most would consider the most important phases of adolescence, the most crucial growing-up years. Gabby was my closest friend back in secondary school from upper secondary, having met through a now-second degree friend while Bel was my classmate from secondary 3 to college - one i would consider "the longest classmate in my conscious years" (leave it up to you to define "conscious". And that's a good thing, Bel). So i believe it was quite a good and humbling to know that i had somehow changed for the better since those days without losing the sense of myself. Upon deep reflection, i believe i really have become more cheerful nowadays. But then again, i wouldn't say it's because i've changed but more like the environment has improved which brought about a positive change in me. No offence to my classmates or any schoolmates reading this (i never know who reads my blog anymore haha), i never really felt i could be what i wanted to be when i was in secondary school or college. Stereotypes aside, i was generally with classmates or schoolmates i did not feel fully comfortable with. Maybe there were one or two i was comfortable with but still that's very very pathetic. There was hardly "friends" that shared the same ideas and maybe similar likings as me. Or even if we had different interests, there were hardly anyone that showed any form of "embrace" to my different preferences. Maybe it was stereotype playing it's evil game but to put it simply, we just didn't click. That's why i don't feel apologetic about not having a lot of friends that i still keep in contact till today - as long as i'm still on good terms with those i feel good with, the rest can well, rest safely in my hi-bye accquaintance list. What i feel regretful about would be situations where i had a hand in making a difference but made the wrong choice. Like how i didn't go find any like-minded friend if they were hardly any in class or interest group. Or like how i chose my interest group in college. It was not me making it, but the pragmatic, results-crazy joel that was blinded by all the needs to succeed in college. What interest do i have in Current Affairs? Hardly any! - and that's on the expense that i'm reading Life!/8days on the latest CELEBRITY GOSSIPS haha. I could have joined well, other more interactive clubs that expanded my social circle and whatever that could be improved. But i didn't. But i don't want to dwell on that as well since those days are far from gone and there's no point grumbling about it anymore since i don't have the power to turn back time. And i probably won't - cause things would be different (and i would think differently - i could be that bastard you hate!) and i kinda like things they are NOW (but if it's slightly better, that would be best haha). Now that i'm out of school, i realise that even if i might not get the chance to choose who i have to be with (as in those who'll always be around you - cause of work, study, or maybe because they stay beside you) i have a choice as to who i want to hang around with. I have the freedom to befriend who i want and hopefully that someone enjoys my company as a friend. It's liberating to know that i don't need to feel suppressed with having to stick with people i not exactly feel at ease with because there were a lack of choices for me (it's either with them or alone. SAD i know haha). Now, if i don't click with the person, i'll just talk less to him/her (or don't talk at all), no grudges and no ill intentions whatsoever. I remember something very right that Oprah Winfrey once said, within the lines of "Surround yourself with positive people or people that make you positive". And that's the approach for me from now on. I meet friends i want to meet, talk to those i want to talk to and basically be with friends who i want to be with - those that make me feel happy, make me feel i can be funny and lame and bitchy, those that would listen to me complain as much as they want to complain to me. Those i see myself still being with for at least my next half of my life. I do admit, as previously palm-read by my father's worker, that i have a knack for making short-lived friendships. As he described it, it was like "only half a cup of water" - one sip and it's gone. That's why it's more necessary to choose the right friends to be with. There were times before when there was hardly anyone i could tell my problems to - you know... people around you were not "close enough" to know, while the closer ones were too pre-occupied that you didn't want to bother them - and had to suck it in and brave through it myself. I think things have turned for the better now that time is completely in my own hands and i control what exactly i do. Not that i didn't have the choice back then but the only choice i gave myself back then was study and more study (and music) and i blurred and put everything else on hold - not a good idea totally. I still find myself being a bit self-conscious when i mention my "mugger" days to people because it is something people can't envision and something people won't approve of since it is so stupid. Like i think people will associate you to it somehow someway after you told them about your "ugly" past. And especially to people who hardly know me and having to read such things about me can give them preconceived notions about me that are uncalled for. But well, as i said, it's the past and should remain the past. Hopefully it doesn't affect my future (at least with those who still dont know me) but if for whatever reason it does, then so be it ( it's out of my hands). But i'm glad at this point of time (yes, at print time) things are fine. I'm closer to my all-along close friends and have made remained in contact with all good friends i've made thus far. And it makes me feel glad when i know some of them think the same way as i do - it's a mutual thing btw. That's why i'm more cheerful. Not cheerful always (as in, character) but more cheerful. For how long, i don't know but may it lasts as long as it can (and under my own hands). There are things in life like happiness and friendship that you never want to jinx it by saying something you're not sure will happen or something you're not sure will continue happening. That's why it's all under a relative term, based on a circumstantial basis that i consider that this is happening right now. Things change, most things intangible are ephermal. That's why i don't want to define things too naively if not i'll end up feeling upset if it doesn't work out the way i thought would. As i've said, it's situational. C happened only because A and B was present. Therefore i won't be sad if C didn't happen because D and E didn't give the same effect. If you understand. Well, i can only say life works in a very unexpected way. There are many things i hope will happen but i'm keeping myself prepared if they don't. At least i can tell myself, well, it was just my expectation and disillusion on my part. A little sad but not that sad either haha. Other than that, i pray (well, not exactly "pray" pray - i just don't want to use the word "hope" cause it gives me false expectations) everyday that "the good always remain and the best never fade". May it happen to you as well. Jloe || 5:09 PM || 0 comments
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