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Well, it's great that Kenny came over tonight for some catchup and we sorta talked deep about friendship and stuff which connected to "The Hills". There's alot of stuff from it which i've learned which i guess i will share with you guys my thoughts.Monday, October 13, 2008  If you know about the show (or if you don't), the show is about four girls connected to each other somehow (good friends, used-to-be-good friends, friends of friends) and they go through many different situations with each other. Basically, the show shows mainly how friendship is about and such. Friendships as we know are very fragile. One mistake could mean a big crack in the relationship and i believe from our own past experiences we know how cracks never fully heal. Which just goes to show how difficult and how much effort that goes into maintaining a friendship. I just think that both parties have to be equally committed into the friendship and trying their best to make it work. Obviously, honesty is very important. You want to maintain a sense of clarity with your friends because after all your good friends are a major part of your life and things that happen in your life you have to update them just as much as they fill you up on the new details in life. If about catching up and also being truthful to your friends. Catching up i feel is really the most important part in a friendship. When both parties take the effort to inform the other about what happens in their life, it shows that you are glad that you have this friends because you want to include your friend in your life. In "The Hills", friends after each night out or dinner dates (individual), they will update their friends on what happen just as much as their friends are concerned and curious to know what happened. It's a mututal thing where i want to share and you want to not just hear, but you really want to find out as well. Being truthful is definitely important as well. Well, it might not be good or your friend might not like it, but hell to that, you tell your friend. Maintaining that level of transparency shows that although you believe your friend might not agree with it, but informing them shows them your point of view and shows you're making an attempt to let them understand what you do things a certain way or why certain things happen. In "The Hills", the roommate of Lauren (main) goes out with her "used-to-be-good friend", Heidi. Although she's not sure if it's a good thing that Lauren might necessarily agree with, she herself felt it was no wrong to do that, since she was just enjoying the company of another talk-able friend, she went out with Heidi. But she told Lauren about it the next day which Lauren was cool about and understood her choice. But obviously, with the ways things move in life, changes are inevitable. Friendships are dynamic and also prone to changes. It takes initiative on both sides to try to maintain the relevancy and currency of the relationship. I generally don't complain too much about always having to organise meetups because in a way i'm playing my part and friends play their part by showing up. Don't want to go into details as to why do i always have to be the one etc etc because the essence of the whole thing is about making the friendship work and if it works i'm happy. As "Mean Girls" put it, "i'm not in the position to pass it up". haha Even with your own partners and own social circle, you need to find a balance between all that. From Hills, i could totally see that Heidi, after being attached, lost contact with all her friends. She didn't make an effort to want to meet her friends and neither did she call to catch up on stuff etc which makes her a forgetful (in a bad way) and unconcerned friend. We all love our friends and our own partners. It's still LOVE (though in different way). So why should one be compromised over another when giving up either one for the other seems like an ilogical choice. Therefore, though not easy, it's important to finetune and strike a balance. With regards to this, i'm a love-less, inexperienced hopeless hopeful so i can't shed any more light on this. haha. Furthermore, being a friend i guess is more than just actions (calling to catch up). It's also about your own thinking and maturity. It's just important to be clear-headed when dealing with friendships cause for the simple reason that friends have friends that might be your friends too. "Do unto people what you want people to do unto you"- We've all heard this before. So just as how you treat your friends, it'll affect how your (or his/her) other friends (that know you) think of you and treat you too. In the show, Lauren (main) doesn't like Spencer (Heidi's boyfriend). But Spencer was the seriously petty one as he threw out any friend who hanged out with Lauren, calling them betrayers, rolling with the enemy. He fell out with his good friend for many years for that reason even though his friend thought it was stupid for him not to hang out with Lauren when he did not have a problem with her and they were not talking bad about him when they're together. But Spencer was totally being immature, using words like "loyalty" freely without thought which made his good friend very disappointed. Lauren on the other hand show the maturity that i believe ALL friends should have or should develop. Though she doesn't like Spencer, she did not do anything to badmouth him etc. Spencer, conversely, spreaded nasty sex-tape rumours about Lauren which is blatantly denies. Still Lauren did not initiate any bad talking towards him. She did not super impose her ideas of Spencer on her friends and was open to continuing being friends with Spencer's friend. Because of that, Lauren became good friends with Brody, the good friend Spencer fell out with. Furthermore, Spencer's sister, who disliked Lauren in the beginning, because of the simple fact that she disliked Spencer, changed her mind about Lauren because she was mature about the whole situation and was willing to forgive Spencer's Sister for any bad thing she said to her before they got to really know each other. This level of maturity is definitely required. There are friends which my good friends don't necessarily like. But it's not in my principle to turn totally against them because of that. I believe in a level of civility (or given nice-ness) to anyone to has never offended me, even if i like or dislike the person. And i'm glad that my friends are fine with me continuing to remain friendly ties with their "enemies" because they respect my decision and they believe that i am discerning enough to trust the right people. Plus it's totally immature to impose your opinions on others and expect them to behave the same way as you do. For instance, I understand my friend's concerns about the "enemy" and i will remain cautious of the person because of these are from my good friend but i will maintain civil until i am proven otherwise. If not, i'm being unreasonably unfair to the "enemy". It's like Friend A and Friend C might have unresolved differences. But if Friend B (good friend of friend A) has no problems with Friend C, why should the difference between A and C come between B and C? In fact, B might even be of help to resolve the differences between A and C. As long as it doesn't intrude the borders of "trusted friendship", then this compartmentalized friendship system ("A & B" and "B & C" being mututally exclusive) can totally work. As you can see, friendship is alot of work and i guess as i move forward in life, there are more things i will learn about making and maintaining friendships. To friendships and all the joy that comes with it. And to you who reads it (hope you find it useful). music.city.soul || 11:23 PM || 0 comments |
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