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Almost two years ago in november 2006, i've just completed my A Levels and was anxiously awaiting my entry into the world of Army. Honestly, back then, i am pretty amazed that for a physically challenged (just a sugarcoat for WEAK), and so-not-sports-inclined person, i was pretty calm about the whole idea of army. Maybe truthfully, no one really talked about it and even if i heard about it, it was from my Commando brother, who said it was like CHALET. Seriously comforting words to a clueless weakling like me. And seriously deceiving.Thursday, November 13, 2008  College Days - No wonder i never could quite "break out" - Not to say that Army training, having experienced it in BMT, was really that tough for me. It was on some levels, stressful, but using the word "chalet" was pretty far off. I really shouldn't have listened to a guy who was a COMMANDO, and of all things, had his picture on a safety message which he proudly framed up in his room. And i never had since then haha (he = commando = my elder brother = someone who lives beside my room and makes a lot of noise when he sings in his room, very possibly unaware of the fact that i can hear his terrible singing). My stress came more in the form of keeping up. After all, I only merely managed to obtain the coveted "SILVER" in Napfa (in college to get the two-month service deduction). I still remember myself on the last Napfa attempt trying to get that 5th pull-up, crucial for the silver fitness award. Usually, i was done after 4 pull-ups. But miraculously, that FATEFUL day, i did a Jennifer Hudson and managed to do the 5th one. And for god-knows-what reason, i couldn't wait til i got down to get excited with my success. I had to shake super-excitedly on the bar to express my ecstacy and anyone who's seen my thin figure in person would know it would look like a scrawny money having fits while swinging on a tree branch. Certainly not the best sight of me. Anyway, STRESS. Stress came straight up on the very first day. As everyone who's been there know, there is a sickeningly big and heavy bag, packed with our training equipments and stuff, which we have to carry to our bunks. And for a lean soul like me, it was pure torture. And it certainly didn't help that my bunk was located at the highest level - 4th level (why does it sound so harmless now? haha) If my memory didn't fail me, I was one of the first to reach the stairs but somehow, i DEFINITELY was the last. People even had to come back to "rescue" me from the obvious torment i was under. Besides my ugly photos of the past, this was probably one of the most embarassing moments of my life (many more to come after that). Beyond doubt, worry and anxiety became good friends with me from then now. If anything was to get worse, it was 2 minutes after when i reached my bunk and was further discouraged from the sight of generally fit guys. Hopes of finding anyone who also scraped through to get the SILVER award was diminished. But of course, as time went by, some - like Ah Meng - were the ones who managed to deceive me at first glance. But i was feeling so unsettled (as if the new environment wasn't stressful enough for me) that when i finally got the chance to speak to Yang Sis (my God Sis) that night, i almost teared while telling her how i worried i felt. This moment always brings me back to an episode of Desperate Housewives (ok shameful i know, but that's a past of me. I've stopped watching DH since Army. Moved on to THE HILLS hahahahaha) where Lynette cried to one of the housewive, saying why she was the only one thinking that she can't handle her problems and everyone else seems to be in control. Which Gabrielle/Bree replied by saying that "everyone has problems, but they just... don't say it out loud". If only i met one of those similar people on my first day (of course i did subsequently), i wouldn't have wasted my energy worrying so much then. haha. Anyway, with BMT, my fitness improved slightly but still generally known for being one of the weakest in the entire platoon. But i guess i was never shy to claim my weakness in all things physical. I guess if you're bad at something, either 1) don't do it (which obviously wasn't a choice since service was compulsory) and 2) put the ugly upfront and save all ridicule - if there was any ridicule, at least it was expected haha. I also got to do so many stuff i would never ever have the chance to do in life ever again (and i never want to do it again to make things clear). I think that is why the experience is memorable. But it was a short 9 weeks and things ended before we knew it. Then i moved on to further training to be a basic leader. Yes, you didn't read wrong. (i know...) If there was any word to describe me, it was NOT the word "leader". I realised that after a few unpleasant group projects and unsuccessful group outings. Even in the area of gossip i excelled tremendously in, i would never like to spearhead a gossip or be the chief "gossip" king. Though once a rumour gets to my ear (meaning i didn't initate the rumour), i do my best to "pass down the message" haha. But i guess i almost managed to pull through it with considerable challenge (but still tolerable). I think my fitness was at its peak (though VERY SHORTLIVED) at this point of time. Even i'm amazed that my body can do such wonders haha. Many interesting experiences also happened during this period, though i must say, not as charming as in BMT. And after 12 weeks, i ended my training in service after which i became a restless soldier then clerk which did anything but exercise.  my work place for the next one year plus (Boss in blue, female =X haha) Clerk life became in Aug 07, which turned only full force extreme in May 08 after taking over a new portfolio with a new and much more difficult boss. But it was glad to realise that even if i was bad at physical stuff, i was pretty much in control of my work, despite it being SUPER HECTIC and STRESSFUL. And i still miss the days when i was in control. I learnt most about working during this phase, considering i have never worked before. Soft skills and life knowledge that matured and wised me up for the real world now. But besides work, i was able to know more people due to the very interactive nature of my work. Having to ask and request help from others, i had the opporunity to know more than the usual group of office friends only. Right then, and since then, i'm in control of both social and work life which impresses myself tremendously. Looking at my IC photo, a terribly ugly photo taken in secondary 4, i have certainly grown a lot and changed for the better since then. I'm glad that my army life happened but i'm also glad that it has finally ended because i'm really ready for the next transition in life. Somehow my stint as clerk has made me confident that if i can do so in army, i can do the same outside. Like how birds feel it's time to fly, i feel it's time to get out and do something else. And the time is now. P.S: This entry is entirely for personal "closure". haha. music.city.soul || 11:23 PM || 0 comments |
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