"Problems are good, in the end they feel so small"

The day i touched down on Singapore from America, the day 2009 ended. Having had 11 more days to reflect on how 2009 has been for me, i hope i have encapsulated all that i'v learnt in the past year into this entry.

2009, by and large, was a very unexpecting year. UNEXPECTING. Usually, people have good and bad year, but what is unexpecting? In short, many things happened in 2009 that i never expected would happen, or happen in the way i expected.

Some of the unexpected gifts include:

Receiving a scholarship, which i never expected i was capable of.

Making new friends which i didn't know i will get to know (it's a fate thing with friends, i know)

Travelling in America for a month, something which i never planned for at all.

Getting to know "older" friends at a level which i didn't know we are capable of getting to.

Becoming a radio deejay, which although i know i'll have to experience it someday, but not in 2009.

And the unexpected setbacks of 2009:

Doubting myself for things i was very much confident about before (be it my capabilities, my feelings and my surroundings)

Wondering why some friends who were suddenly "not there" and "not there for you"

Returning to school was much harder than i thought, and a hard fact to swallow.

Going for a trip with certain expectations shattered (though it turned out to be a great self-discovery journey)

Fact is, when you get through the problems, you will understand that everything is not as bad as it seems. "Problems are good, in the end they feel so small" - Sure exams were tough, but i made it through. Sure i didn't think i was confident or qualified enough to get the scholarship, but i tried and i got it. Sure sometimes when you think things would never work out, it does in the end of the day. And the challenge is the made it through to that day. Which is what i'm learning, and what all of us is learning everyday.

I think in 2009 i really tried to step out of my own comfort zone on many occasions to try the things i never thought i would dare to. Because just plain staying in that little comfort coach just doesn't work after sometime. This is one life i have, and that one time when i have the ability/capability to do it, i tell myself i should just do it. I hope this continues for 2010 as i continue to overcome any self-doubts or so-called "coward" moments.

On another note, as i was sharing with Ter and Yuk (on similar topics) just recently, i have come to think that time and fate is the essence of an uncontrollable factor in friendship which i believe no one understands. Anything can happen anytime between any friend and you. The best and longest friend you have can be your enemy the next day. And that person sitting across the office you never talk to could be your dearest friend the next week.

But as i mentioned in an entry earlier last year, i am grateful for all that i have. I thank everyone who made ANY impact in my life in 2009. I hope everyone realises my thank-you list is not exhaustive, and neither is what i thank my friends for.

With 2010 starting, i hope i can continue to live up to the motto i have set for myself

"to learn to love yourself, your life and people around you who make you a better person."

And my birthday goals :) (this i have only five more months to live up to! haha)

1) to take charge of my life much more than let pple/fate decide sometimes

2) I need to believe in myself more, and worry less!

3) I should never allow anyone to make me feel less than what i am/what i can be.

4) I will strive to lead a more fulfilling aka well-rounded/balanced life!

5) I really need to eat more!

Bascially, striving for another year of great experiences.